Chair Humor

Thanks to all who shared their thoughtful opinions. It really did help! I know we were asking for it when we solicited the opinions of everyone we know, but A) We really have decided, and it is in large part due to your feedback and B) I like the idea that baby's name has been decided by the friends and family that we love. I'm not going to tell you what we decided today, just in case we change our minds at the last minute. But tune back in around May 15th, when we will hopefully be posting pertinent birth-related information.


In the meantime, yesterday I discovered that my boys have a new favorite pastime. It involves laying on the floor under our dining room table and, as Jonah explained, "telling jokes that we read off of the bottom of the chairs." Keep in mind that my boys cannot read and are equally as inept at telling jokes. I was, however, pleasantly surprised to hear this:

Noel (age 3) to Jonah (age 4): What do you call the baby constellation?
Jonah: I dunno.
Noel: The Big Diaper!
Hysterical laughter ensues.
Noel: Get it??? The Big Diaper?!?!

Jonah: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat?
Noel: How?
Jonah: You move him to the front seat!
Gut-wrenching false-sounding laughter.

I imagine these jokes came from either the I Spy videos, which Noel is currently obsessed with, or a Nick Jr. computer game/video. I can't (won't) take the credit. While we encourage humor in this household, we don't condone joke-telling. At least we've moved up a step from pratfalls.

Please Name My Baby. . .Seriously!

So the baby should be here in about two months. Currently, the single biggest stressor in my life is the fact that I cannot decide on a baby name. I know, with the current recession, I should be grateful this is all I have to worry about. I am not one of those people who thinks they need to "see the baby" to decide on a name. At that point, I'm hopped up on Loritab (hopefully) and my baby probably looks squishy and red, which is not going to sway me in any name direction. I really want to have the baby name decided before we go to the hospital, so I can concentrate on more important things like "When will my husband be back with my bagel sandwich?" and "Does this TV show Lost tonight?" Here's where you come in. Josh and I are super indecisive people. We've limited it down to four names. And by "limited it down" I really mean, "If you mention another name we like, we'll probably add that to the list and stew about that for awhile too." Here they are:

1. Mia
2. Lila
3. Adele
4. Celia

Josh and I have different favorites, but I'm not going to tell you which ones they are, so as to not bias your opinion. Here's some additional information you may need: 1) It's a girl. 2) Her brothers are named Jonah and Noel, one after a character from a book, the other a character from TV's Felicity. 3) If you would like to suggest some other names, please do. You kind of get where we're going with these names, so don't suggest Tiffany or Tina. No offense to any of your children named Tiffany or Tina. 4) Please give me your honest opinion, and don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. Several people have already weighed in (mom and mom) and didn't mince words. Trust me. . .I'm numb.

Thanks! Bonus points for middle names, too.

Just Another Day

Things I Appreciate Today:

1)  Rainbows.  Is there another natural phenomenon that instills so much hope and happiness?  There was a huge rainbow across the sky on the way to pick up Jonah from preschool, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of it. 

2)  Noodles & Company.  It's not the greatest restaurant in the world, but I can take my sons for a little lunch and all three of us happily consume:  the two of them a moderately-priced bowl of mac 'n cheese and me whichever pasta/salad combo I've chosen for the day.  And it's all topped off with a gigantic rice crispie treat.

3)  Trader Joe's non-fat plain frozen yogurt.  It doesn't sound like it should be good, but good heavens. . .it is.  It's brand new, so don't feel bad if you've been missing out all of these years.  It's kind of like that astoundingly overpriced ("Did I really just pay $7 for 1/2 cup of frozen yogurt?") Red Mango, but it's better.  Top it off with a little TJs fresh or frozen fruit, and you have a guilt-free, ridiculously delicious dessert.  If you don't live by a Trader Joes, you should move.  You won't regret it.

4)  Schizophrenia.  Today was a typical Oregon day.  It has rained 412 different times.  But my favorite part of the Oregon weather is the unpredictability of it all.  Sure, it rained at the most inconvenient times of the day, like every time I got out of the car to take my two boys into preschool, the store, or the above-mentioned Noodles, but now they're doing this:

I can wash those pants with the muddy knees because he just slipped and fell on the soaking wet grass later.

5)  Texting.  I don't even have a text plan on my phone, if that gives you any idea how inexperienced I am with this new-fangled technological phenomenon.  My husband is in San Antonio for 4 days and in constant meetings, but with texting, I can keep my finger on the pulse of the meeting happenings (like how much Tex-Mex they're eating, and who makes the most annoying comments) and it only takes me 45 minutes to compose each text and only costs me 50 cents to say something like:  "Are you bored yet?"  Genius.

6)  Realizing I don't have to watch the season finale of True Beauty until my husband is back in town on Friday.

Things I Don't Particularly Appreciate Today:

1) Human-produced train sounds.  Loud, long train sounds, produced from the vocal chords of my 4-year old.  All. day. long.  Make it stop.

2)  Emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms.  All of these things SHOULD be completed today.  But I'm not sure I can empty the dishwasher again. . .ever.  It's the least satisfying household chore in the world.  You do it, and 30 minutes later it's full again.  And even the Dyson can't increase my desire to vacuum.  But look at this great blog I wrote?  And I caught up on the CW's Privileged, so I consider this day productive.

3)  When Trader Joe's runs out of stuff.  Which they do frequently.  Today they were out of stir-fry mix (a fairly important ingredient for my menu item titled "stir-fry"), and, more importantly, suckers, which my boys earned with their stellar detective work.  And no, the banana-nut granola bar is not an adequate substitute.

4)  The entire "cast" of the 10-11 AM hour of the Today Show.  Sadly, this is usually when I'm getting ready for the day, and I turn the TV on in the background.  But seriously, Hoda is bad enough.  Al Roker makes me cringe.  And Kathie Lee?  Is there anyone in the world more innately unlikeable?  Maybe Miley Cyrus.  Maybe.  Sometimes I switch between the Today Show and The View to see how much my body can endure.  Some people do an Ironman. . .I do this.

5)  Realizing I won't be able to watch Lost until my husband is back in town on Friday.

6) Realizing I forgot to put that frozen yogurt in the freezer when I got home. . .oops!  Gotta run!

Things that go bump in the night

Noel has recently entered a new "phase" (and so help me, it better be a short phase) where he is scared all of the time. Sometimes, he likes to use it as an excuse, as in "Noel, come brush your teeth." "I can't, I'm too scared." But legitimately, he is scared of the dark and has trouble going to sleep at night because of it.
I blame myself. I have a hyper-active imagination. A couple of times a week while Amy and I sitting and watching TV, or laying in bed reading, my mind is running through what would happen if the house was attacked by Zombies (you have to head north so the Zombies freeze) or what I would do if I heard someone break through our sliding glass door (That one I am not sure...I am better off with the zombies.) When I was a kid I was TERRIFIED of the dark. One time, my sister Lori hid inside my closet and waited until I was in bed to slowly creak it open and yell "I have no idea!" in an odd voice. (I have no idea why she said "I have no idea" but imagine laying in your bed at night and your closet door slowly squeaks open. It doesn't matter what the person says. It is scary.) I convinced my dad to put a dimmer switch on the lights in my bedroom and I would turn it about 1/16 of a turn before I went to bed. I was afraid of the dark until I was ....well, let's be honest, I am still a little bit afraid of the dark. So I am sure that Noel is just following in my footsteps (why do my kids inherit the things I don't like about myself?) But it is going to be the end of me.
Last night, he was up of and on until about 3am. He gets scared, starts crying, and won't stop until one of us goes in to comfort him. We comfort him, and that last about 4 minutes and then he screams again. We are not opposed to letting our kids scream it out when they won't sleep. We have a strict policy of that when our kids are babies. But it gets stickier when Jonah is in the room too and every time Noel screams it wakes him up. Jonah loves his sleep, so you don't feel like you can just let Noel scream all night long. But I am sure every time we go in there we are just reinforcing bad behavior.
Last night as I was walking down the hallway for the 30th time I found myself thinking, "There better really be a monster in there this time so I can kick its butt and we can all get some sleep." But no monsters. Just a scared little boy. And a grouchy tired dad. So what is a parent to do? No, seriously, I am asking for suggestions. Comment away...