Did some of you read that title and think that this blog was about something else? Well, get your mind out of the gutter! I wouldn't write a blog about those! My mom reads this blog! Plus, I hate them.
Anyway, I LOVE condiments. If anyone has ever seen me eat, or seen me go up a pant size in the last year, you know I love food. But my love of food pales in comparison to my love of condiments. Why would I even bother eating food if there weren't things to dress it up with, slather on it or dip it in?
The reigning king of condiments in the Bingham house it Ketchup. And if you try to tell me it is spelled catsup then you are just plain dumb. You probably like Del Monte brand Catsup. That's ridiculous. At my house we but the double jumbo bottle of Heinz ketchup from Costco about once a month. It's so tart and vinegary with the perfect blend of tomato and spices. Heavenly. Why anyone would buy any other brand of ketchup is beyond me. Hunts? Give me a freaking break. Del Monte? You don't even deserve to live in this country. Western Family? Non ne parliamo. Heinz is the most sublime, delicious, beautiful condiment on earth. My wife says she really only eats french fries as a vehicle for ketchup, and I believe her. Lately, having seen his parents dip so many things into ketchup, Jonah has taken it up as well. He won't eat french fries unless he can dip them. And he does the funniest, daintiest little dips, too. (Yes we feed him french fries. And sometimes things with trans fats. So call the parenting police already.) He also dips other things in ketchup as well, like bread, those pink and white animal cookies and spoonfuls of frosty. Recently I read an article about how salsa has surpassed ketchup as the number one selling condiment in America. I cried a little that day. Don't get me wrong, I love salsa. But better than ketchup? I don't think so, Tina.
Don't get me started on the other condiments. Well, Ok do. Sour Cream: I could (and do) eat it by the spoonful. Mustard: delicious tangy boring yellow, smooth and spicy Dijon, or sickeningly sweet honey it's all good to me. Worcestershire Sauce: Does anyone know how to properly pronounce that? Wasabi: yumm (even yummier is that pickled ginger stuff that often accompanies wasabi. What's that called?) mayonnaise: the most glorious of all. What isn't better with a big spoonful of mayonnaise mixed in? Soy Sauce: nothing beats that deep, mellow, salty flavor.
In England they have the most amazing condiment called clotted cream. I don't know how describe it, except that it is like butter, except creamier, and sweeter and less buttery. I'd live in a home built of it if I could. Its amazing on a hot scone, but they also put it on ice cream. Amy and I went to visit our friends Chris and Lisa when they lived in England and I remember walking a long the beach in the rain and eating a big ice cream cone with a dollop of clotted cream on the top. Heaven help us all. The UK gets a bad wrap for having horrible food, but I disagree. Have you had a Hob Knob? Curries? Filled Baguets? Nando's Chicken Land just off Earl's Court? Mmmm...take me there.
And while it technically isn't a condiment, I have to give a shout out to my boy, the lime. If you know me, you know I love diet coke. And is there anything better than a fountain diet coke, in a Styrofoam cup, with pebbled ice and a fresh lime or two? No, there really isn't. I know because I am drinking some right now. Heaven.
I need to stop writing this blog now. I have a craving for some food from the "dipping" food group.
