Did some of you read that title and think that this blog was about something else? Well, get your mind out of the gutter! I wouldn't write a blog about those! My mom reads this blog! Plus, I hate them.
Anyway, I LOVE condiments. If anyone has ever seen me eat, or seen me go up a pant size in the last year, you know I love food. But my love of food pales in comparison to my love of condiments. Why would I even bother eating food if there weren't things to dress it up with, slather on it or dip it in?
The reigning king of condiments in the Bingham house it Ketchup. And if you try to tell me it is spelled catsup then you are just plain dumb. You probably like Del Monte brand Catsup. That's ridiculous. At my house we but the double jumbo bottle of Heinz ketchup from Costco about once a month. It's so tart and vinegary with the perfect blend of tomato and spices. Heavenly. Why anyone would buy any other brand of ketchup is beyond me. Hunts? Give me a freaking break. Del Monte? You don't even deserve to live in this country. Western Family? Non ne parliamo. Heinz is the most sublime, delicious, beautiful condiment on earth. My wife says she really only eats french fries as a vehicle for ketchup, and I believe her. Lately, having seen his parents dip so many things into ketchup, Jonah has taken it up as well. He won't eat french fries unless he can dip them. And he does the funniest, daintiest little dips, too. (Yes we feed him french fries. And sometimes things with trans fats. So call the parenting police already.) He also dips other things in ketchup as well, like bread, those pink and white animal cookies and spoonfuls of frosty. Recently I read an article about how salsa has surpassed ketchup as the number one selling condiment in America. I cried a little that day. Don't get me wrong, I love salsa. But better than ketchup? I don't think so, Tina.
Don't get me started on the other condiments. Well, Ok do. Sour Cream: I could (and do) eat it by the spoonful. Mustard: delicious tangy boring yellow, smooth and spicy Dijon, or sickeningly sweet honey it's all good to me. Worcestershire Sauce: Does anyone know how to properly pronounce that? Wasabi: yumm (even yummier is that pickled ginger stuff that often accompanies wasabi. What's that called?) mayonnaise: the most glorious of all. What isn't better with a big spoonful of mayonnaise mixed in? Soy Sauce: nothing beats that deep, mellow, salty flavor.
In England they have the most amazing condiment called clotted cream. I don't know how describe it, except that it is like butter, except creamier, and sweeter and less buttery. I'd live in a home built of it if I could. Its amazing on a hot scone, but they also put it on ice cream. Amy and I went to visit our friends Chris and Lisa when they lived in England and I remember walking a long the beach in the rain and eating a big ice cream cone with a dollop of clotted cream on the top. Heaven help us all. The UK gets a bad wrap for having horrible food, but I disagree. Have you had a Hob Knob? Curries? Filled Baguets? Nando's Chicken Land just off Earl's Court? Mmmm...take me there.
And while it technically isn't a condiment, I have to give a shout out to my boy, the lime. If you know me, you know I love diet coke. And is there anything better than a fountain diet coke, in a Styrofoam cup, with pebbled ice and a fresh lime or two? No, there really isn't. I know because I am drinking some right now. Heaven.
I need to stop writing this blog now. I have a craving for some food from the "dipping" food group.
16 comments:
Joshie, what about caramel McVitties? Oh, GRAVY!!!!
Clotted cream is God's gift to the old people of Dawlish. And don't forget the name of that shop: Gay's Creamery. (hee hee!)
Josh, you would love Brandson Pickle, another English condiment. Also, they have something called Brown Sauce that is their version of ketchup. It has more of a vinegar bite, but oh so yummy. In our family, fries are also merely a vehicle for the vinegar and the ketchup.
By the way, it is pronounced Woo-ster. :-) You can buy clotted cream at Cost Plus World Market--do you have those there?
I LOVE CONDIMENTS! I love fry sauce and would drink it if it were more socially acceptable. Also, do you like Papa John's Garlic Sauce (it's really garlic flavored margarine), cause Oh Betty, yum! It's always a good think to dip pizza into what amounts to hot grease. It makes me retain water just thinkin about it.
I can't talk about clotted cream because it makes me cry. Okay, hot scone, clotted cream smathered all over and a cup of hot cho? That's the afternoon snack in heaven.
I don't remember the last time I had ketchup. It's like I just grew out of it. Haven't stopped eating french fries though...remember when all I ate was raw food? Yeah, that was a mess!
Two thumbs up on clotted cream. And Topher, YES FRIEND!!! Caramel McVitties are a treat like none other.
When I was on my mission in England, just seeing the soft purple glow of a Cadbury's machine was enough to make our hearts race. After eating meal after meal of Spaghetti Bolonaise (minced lamb on plain noodles w/ watery KETCHUP on it---mmmmmm) it was heaven to savor a cold lion bar.
Is it just me or is Flake the dumbest candy bar out there? The minute you bite into them the get chocolate bits all over your clothes (we all know chocolate stains). Wierd.
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Wonderful, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
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Blog spam sucks, but what makes it worse is that it doesn't even MAKE SENSE! Dude.
How do you feel about the whole Mayo/Miracle Whip debate?
This is my first comment on a blog. The most alarming thing to me about blog posts is that there is blog-spam? Can this be. I want to poke their eyes out. now, back to condiments.
As I lay in bed this morning, the first conscious thought i had was, "MMMMmmmmm, Josh's Monte Cristo..........." And so I thought I'd stop by Josh's blog and tell him how delicious those magical sammy's are when lo and behold the discussion is about food. And better yet, the sauces we put on food. In our house we always add about 1/4 bottle of tabasco sauce to our ketchup bottle. I think it comes from living in austria. They have like 20 different flavors of ketchup, including curry, hot n' spicy, molasses, garlic....the list goes on. Hot n'spicy was my favorite, but the american version of tabasco ketchup is nothing like the austrian one. When I say hot n'spicy, I mean rip-your-face-off-hot.
I heard this rumor that there is a little store in Pleasant Grove that sells fancy imported foods ... and that they indeed have clotted cream.
Josh, I read your blog finally, I'm late in the game I know already! I think you are awesome. I think it is funny that we have never seen each other's children and we don't live very far away and you and Jed are you know, really good friends. One time you made a really great dinner for us. We could come over again--anytime really. You let us know. Tee-hee.
That clotted cream sounds too good to be true. Also, I have to agree with you on the lime in the diet coke, especially with the pebbled ice and the styrofoam cup. It's all about presentation...
Josh, I have to say that I've been reading without posting, and I apologize.
First, I remember once in college when a pizza delivery man showed up at my door and out of the clear blue heaven told me that he had lost 10 lbs by leaving condiments off of his food. From butter to salad dressing to ketchup (though this butt-munch probably previously ate catsup). This made me mad because 1) I don't know you, my man, and I don't care if you lose weight or lose a limb. 2) Shut up. You are delivering pizza. No condiments? Your whole job is based on toppings, you pig. 3) Miracle Whip vs. Mayo. I married into a family of Miracle Whip lovers. I am not. When Katie and I were starting to get serious, she made me a peanut butter and Miracle Whip sandwich. To see if I was marriage material, I suppose. This was a favorite meal of hers. It's also my favorite way to get nauseous.
p.s. Due to your previous blog, I have removed my Air Supply cd out of hiding and placed it proudly with the rest of my cd library. You inspired me, Josh.
I grew up eating ketchup on scrambled eggs and macaroni and cheese. Grew out of it, though. It's all about salsa now.
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