A while ago we bought a little plastic tool set for Jonah. It was purchased at Hammond Toys in the Cottonwood Mall. How that place stays in business I'll never know. All of their employees are 13 year old boys with early-onset acne and the inability to count change. Anyway, the tool set was about $1 and clearly made by retarded monkeys in Cambodia. Was that insensitive? Anyway, the tool set is called "Tools Set: Funny & Safe." If the fact that the toys will not only make you laugh, but keep you safe is not enough to send you to your nearest Hammond to get your own, here are some other selling points from the box: "Superior Materials" and "The Best Welcome Gifts For The Children." Where exactly have the children been that they need a welcome gift? Are we welcoming them to the world with "Tools Set: Funny and Safe?" That might be good, because no one loves safety and humor more than infants, but this Superior Materials product is for ages 3 and up.
On a completely unrelated topic, but in the same vein of "silly things that I found funny," the other day I was calling home from work. Because I work in Park City, it is necessary to dial a "1-801" before dialing my home phone number. Somehow, I accidentally dialed "1-800" instead and got this message: "Thank you for calling Peggy's Precious Heros. Please leave a message." What, praytell, are Precious Heros? My wife thought they were sandwiches. I thought they were defunct super-heros. I guess we will never know until one of my faithful blog readers calls the number, leaves a message and gets a response.
And in closing this completely random blog, here is a very special text message I received on my phone the other day:
Hey bud, Hope the east coast is treating You well. Last I saw You things were rough with You and your girl. I Hope It all worked out. Peace. d swiss.
Now I don't know who d swiss is. Nor do I know why he can't capitalize. Maybe he thinks I am deity, because of all the capitalized "You's." At least he is looking out for me and my girl. Things with us have been real funny and safe since I got back from the coast. Thanks for your concern, d swiss. Your a pal.
12 comments:
Oh Josh,
This one made my day.
I love reading the English on products made in other countries. My sister lived in Japan for a while and she sent home a letter written on stationary that had a picture of a guy climbing in a window and the caption said "Bring home Mr. Happy, he will sneek into your child's room at night and make them squirm with happy".
This was an ad for something like a night light or pillow or something harmless but they couldn't have made him seem MORE like a pedophile if they tried.
you're so popular. d swiss never calls me anymore.
Josh -
Just got caught up on all your posts...thank you for writing. I'm so sad that we can't seem to connect on the phone...but it's nice to read your blog and get voicemails. I guess I could have sent this in an e-mail, but hooray for BLOGS!
d swiss is augustus gloop. wasn't he swiss? i'm pretty sure it's augustus gloop.
That, my friend, was a treat. A delicious funny safe hero of a treat.
d. swiss was me. Sorry.
what if products said they were "safe OR fun," and let you decide? Wouldn't that be exciting?
Hereis my question:What is it that Iran says he continues building the nuclear power, and Israel says she continues to build settlement houses, both against America's wish? Israel says that while she get billions a year from America and Iran says that thou they took hostages fromAmerica. Why these 2 countries have so much power over America? Dont throw shoes just honestly answer this question,both news are in the paper today.Both countries go against America's wish ,where is the power coming from? WHY iSRAEL DID NOT INTERFERE WITH iRAQ AND AFGHANESTAN,BUT WANTS TO DO WITH IRAN? ARE THEY FRIENDS UNDER THE TABLE?
Could the Breakfast Beaver be considered a "Precious Hero"? Because he saved me from many a scrapes.
This is my first posted comment, I'm in the loop!
Huh? Am I confused or is the comment from Roya Parsay a little bit off the topic?
Maybe what she is trying to say is "Josh, will you please post a new blog?"
I think we've found out who d swiss is: Roya Parsay!
That ho is always talkin' Iraq. Never mind her.
Oh Josh, you are a funny boy. I've known you for 28 years and couldn't pass up the chance to tell you what a grunty, smelly and also obnoxious boy you have always been. Don't worry about Jonah, you've caused your share of cleared rooms, holes in the walls and violent injuries to be all the Dad he needs. Isn't it funny the expectations we put on our kids? Here you are talking about Jonah being the first weel groomed, college basketball player who studies the culinary arts. Dave and I want Jacob to be the man who brings quality health care, education and self reliance to the Marhsall Islands while ensuring they maintain their generous, non-Westernized, simple way of life! Oh, and go on a mission. In 20 years, we might be thinking, "If only they could have gotten through high school without those illigetimate babies!" Hooray for bad parenting!
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