Table and Singlepot
So I was at McDonald's today. I am a frequent customer, most often when the weather is bad and I can't face any other outings. The kids run around, I get my diet coke and french fries, and all is well with the world. Except today, when I discovered that the happy meal toys were divided, as they often are, by gender. Yu-Gi-Oh! for the boys and The Littlest Pet shop for the girls. But my two boys wanted the pets. . .and couldn't have cared less about the others.
Even while ordering them the "girl's meal," I began to feel a bit sick to my stomach (and no, it wasn't the food). Then, the toys arrived. One was a white cat on a peach pedastal with a heart-shaped keychain, the other similarly designed, but a monkey with a pink bow. I don't know why it bothered me so much -- I couldn't stop thinking about it. Should I have ordered the other toys? Should I try to hide the toys from them now, before the other kids see? Did I force the pets upon them, and now they're going to have gender identity issues for life?
Let's be honest. . .there's not much we can do about the things to which our children take a liking. They both gravitate toward the trucks and trains, and our stuffed animals are high on a shelf in the playroom. But I like it that way, and, I suppose, am at least partially the reason they love what they love. You don't see dolls and strollers in the playroom. They own one million matchbox cars, and they surely didn't do anything to earn the money to buy them for themselves. At one point, I put those stuffed animals on the high shelf and haven't introduced them since. Am I perpetuating the gender stereotype that I feel I'm too socially evolved to uphold? And, if I am, should I be bothered by it? And, if I shouldn't, why do I (see guilt-ridden emotional breakdown at McDonald's)?
On Oprah the other day, Julia Roberts, made even duller by her new motherhood, said what I think most mothers feel, "I knew I'd love my children, but I never knew how much I'd like them." They're amazing beings that make me laugh and make me think and push me to become better, which is more than I can say about most people in the world. And they've only been on the earth for a short time. I suppose some of my recent insanity stems from the awesome responsibility I feel to make their lives the best that they can be. Once, Josh gave Jonah a haircut in the bathtub while I was out running errands. Let's just say it was unsuccessful, and left him looking. . .well, special. That night, I went to bed in tears. Jonah didn't care what his hair looked like -- and I suppose that was the point. I could dress him like a clown, red nose and all, and send him out the door, and he wouldn't think twice about it. His life is in my hands, and sometimes it's more than I can handle.
Someone recently said that the reason our mothers are so good at laying on the guilt is because it's been building up since the day we were born, and now they can finally unleash it on us. Oh, my kids are in for it. . .
12.22.2006
12.18.2006
Every time a bell rings....What?
I admit it. I have never seen "It's a Wonderful Life." Sure it is the quintessential Christmas movie full of morals, great messages and Christmas Cheer. But I haven't seen more than 4 minutes of it in my life. Just the part about the angel getting its wings and the part where the guy (Gary?) runs down the street and yells Merry Christmas to the movie theatre. Am I missing out? I guess it was never really a part of holiday traditions at my house. Nor was "White Christmas." Nor was "A Christmas Story." Somehow I have managed to see both of those. My friend Cha grew up on "White Christmas" so we watched that at her house one year. I found it lovely, but not really something I would do on a yearly basis. I think "A Christmas Story" is hilarious, but I don't know if I have ever sat down and watched it from start to finish. I think, in total, I have seen it about 42 times, but mostly in 5-20 minute segments spread over the course of my life.
I also am saddended by the overexposure of the following Childhood Christmas Favorites: Rudolph, Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Remember when those were "specials" and it was this magical night when they were on and you would watch and be filled with joy? When we were kids we would say that CBS stood for "Charlie Brown Specials" so that we could remember which channels to tune in to. And the funny thing is that I don't really remember ever knowing for sure when these shows we be on, nor do I remember my parents telling us. It was like it entered the collective consciousness of The Children of the world and we just knew. But now those shows are on DVD, and their soundtracks are playing at Barnes and Noble and you can buy Rudolph action figures and it all just seems so cheap and tawdry.
So what Christmas shows will my kids have fond memories of? Are there ones we are missing and should be tuning into? Heaven knows the Tivo is hurting for quality programming to take us through to the New Year. So I beseech you, gentle readers, what should we Tivo for Christmas time viewing? And am I missing out because I have never see "It's a Wonderful Life?" My Christmas spirit is in your capable hands.
12.06.2006
What You Should STILL Be Watching by Petie
I don't know about you, but I started the fall season of T.V. happier and more optimistic than I have in years. Tivo remote in one hand, diet coke in the other, it seemed we sat down every evening for a night of pure entertainment. And then something funny happened. Very few shows continued to excite me. And then the biggest warning sign of them all: I started reading. . .a lot. Like two or three books a week. I don't blame ALL TV for my current sad state, just some. So I felt like we needed to pay tribute to those that keep me off the sauce (book addictions are way too all-consuming) and keep me glued to my Tivo, where all good mothers belong.
Sunday:
Sheepishly, I admit a guilty-pleasure fascination with Brothers & Sisters. I can't help it. And while it's not ground-breaking television, I would say it's remained fairly stable. . .maybe even improving upon its first couple of weeks. And maybe we can't be friends anymore, but I love Sally Field in this show.
The Amazing Race has continued its tried but true formula. Lots of people running around, turning their heads quickly from side to side, in an attempt to "visit" the many countries they travel to, in a really harried, stressed-out kind of way. And it entertains us. But we may be, dare we say, tiring of it? And we may also have to admit that there's not a soul in the final three teams that we don't want to slap upside the head. We root for the moms. . .but only because they could use the money for their kids and not for continuing to be real awesome models/addicts. And Rob and Kimberly continue in the stereotypical niche of "real ornery couple who really does love each other" that The Amazing Race producers have lovingly carved out every season.
I suppose if you're hankering for more TV, you should also catch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. We WANT to support it because of the good that it does, but, if we have to hear Ty Penington tell one more couple about how "special" they are before the reveal of their master bedroom, we'll have to poke our eyes out with a fork.
Monday:
If there's one show that hasn't disappointed all season, it's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. That no one is watching it is one of the great travesties facing our nation today. . .that and global warning, says Al Gore, though I think the former is more worthy of a documentary. It's just darn good. I love the subject matter, love the writing, love the casting. . .love it all. I'm not sure I've ever loved a cast as much as I do on this show. Only if Crystal Bernard could be brought in to be Jack (Stephen Webber)'s love interest could I possibly be more satisfied. And who knew Amanda Peet would be so great? She's brilliant.
Josh would cut my head open and remove my brain if I didn't also mention Heroes in this section. I, personally, am not that impressed. I am, however, firmly grounded in reality and like it there. I like Heroes, but Josh loves it. I'm too annoyed by the really annoying super-powers (I'm looking your way Nicki/Jessica) to like it too much. But I do love Hiro and am really glad that pixie girl is dead. But I'll still watch it. . .if only because of how much my husband loves it, and always says, "Don't forget that I'm not a hero and I have to take the garbage out after this is over" ever week. Truly.
Tuesday:
See aforementioned Gilmore Girls tirade. Still worth watching, but needing some serious retooling.
Veronica Mars has replaced the hole in my heart that was left by the sad but inevitable departure of "Felicity" some years ago. I've never recovered, but V.M. has managed some much-needed healing. It was AMAZING for the first two seasons, and it still is better written than 99% of what else is on TV, but it has taken a bit of a dive lately. I don't personally care for the new, network-appeasing three mystery format, and the recent stunt casting has been appalling (the irony of Patty Hearst playing the kidnapped heiress was dwarfed by her awful acting). . .but the word is that the story format is changing for the better, and I still love Keith Mars, Wallace, Mac and even the new, delightful Piz to keep me watching until they take my beloved show away from me.
I'm in love. With Gregory House. Not Hugh Laurie -- just Dr. House. Maybe it's because he's so smart. But probably it's because he's a crotchety, unethical, drug-addicted bastard. Issues? Maybe. I'm annoyed with the cop that's "out to get him," but it's still great -- and I want to take Robert Sean Leonard and keep him in my pocket.
Wednesday:
There's nothing I love more than transformations, even if it means months of neurotic, exercise and diet-related obssession. For this reason, I love The Biggest Loser. I love sitting on my couch and thinking how awesome it would be if I'd get off my butt and do something about losing the 15 lbs. that I'm longing to lose -- my husband next to me eating a big bowl of ice cream (it's his TBL ritual). I love being astounded by Caroline Rhea's abhorrent lack of style and penchant for neon colors (neon? what?). And I love mushy Bob and his mohawk and ripped abs, believing that, if he cares that much about fatties, he'd love me, and we could run off in haze of gay man/married woman bliss!
I suppose I should also mention America's Next Top Model, because, well, I'm American, and nothing thrills me more than a patriotic search for our next top model. Oh Tyra Banks. . .if all the world loved themselves as much as you love yourself. . .we'd all be really narcissistic. Okay, it's getting old. I hate the house and the moaning (which we all know is caused by hunger -- feed yourselves, girls! You'll feel better!), but I still love me some photo shoots.
Sorry, The Nine. You were one of my favorite new shows of the season. . .and then you became really. . .uninteresting. You also tie Lost for the most annoying "slow reveal" of any TV show.
Lost is on hiatus, and even though it's really mysterious and annoying and every week I yell at my TV, "Thanks for the answers, JJ!," I still watch. It's that addicting.
Thursday:
I couldn't be more thrilled about "Must See TV." I don't watch "My Name is Earl" and some may have issue with that, but I never have and I never will, so let's move on.
I love, love, love The Office. The most awkward 30-minutes on TV. And oftentimes the most sweet, touching and hilarious of the week. And I don't even mind that Pam and Jim haven't gotten together. I love the journey so much, it doesn't matter.
30 Rock. Oh, Judy. Funny. And if Alec Baldwin doesn't win an Emmy, I'm giving him mine. Two weeks ago, I almost fell of the couch in a fit of hysterics as Baldwin shot his promotional material. Genius. I know we overuse this word and, some might argue, shouldn't reference an actor on a 30-minute sitcom, but, in this case, I disagree. And Tina Fey. . .you're a peach.
Rounding out the line-up is Scrubs. It's quirky and zany and a little unstable, but it's like that stray puppy that you would love if you loved puppies, which I don't (beside the point) in that it's endearing and cute and, in this case, doesn't leave hair all around the house or drool.
You really shouldn't leave the house at all on Thursdays. I know our Tivo is working overtime. You MUST be watching Grey's Anatomy, as it never disappoints. Miranda Bailey could make me watch anything, even if it includes broody Isaiah Washington, the most unlikeable person in real-life. I love the interns. They're funny and great-looking and make me think that I should have gone to medical school because surely I'd be funny and great-looking like them too!
Finally, folks, it's Ugly Betty. Didn't get the big whoop in the beginning. But it's fun. And I love that cute America Ferrera. The story line with the dead lady is such a snooze, but that's why we have Tivo -- I can make it disappear.
Let me also put in a bit of a plug for the newly revamped O.C. It's better than it has been in years, and while that's not saying much, it's noticeably more clever after the death of special Marissa, whom I would've killed myself if she wasn't just a TV character. I can also continue my huge crush on Sandy and his bushy eyebrows, who I'm quite convinced could fit in my shoe, he's such a miniature man.
That's it, folks. No shows on Friday or Saturday. I suppose you can't believe how much TV I watch, and to you I only say: that's nothing. I'm also watching CSI, Law & Order: SVU, The Bachelor (I enjoy self-torture), What About Brian, Shark, Survivor, Justice, and daily viewings of Oprah and E! News. Not to mention the shows on TLC and HGTV. And Friday Night Lights is in tube storage.
All of this talk of TV has made me want to put down that book and start watching! You should too!
Sunday:
Sheepishly, I admit a guilty-pleasure fascination with Brothers & Sisters. I can't help it. And while it's not ground-breaking television, I would say it's remained fairly stable. . .maybe even improving upon its first couple of weeks. And maybe we can't be friends anymore, but I love Sally Field in this show.
The Amazing Race has continued its tried but true formula. Lots of people running around, turning their heads quickly from side to side, in an attempt to "visit" the many countries they travel to, in a really harried, stressed-out kind of way. And it entertains us. But we may be, dare we say, tiring of it? And we may also have to admit that there's not a soul in the final three teams that we don't want to slap upside the head. We root for the moms. . .but only because they could use the money for their kids and not for continuing to be real awesome models/addicts. And Rob and Kimberly continue in the stereotypical niche of "real ornery couple who really does love each other" that The Amazing Race producers have lovingly carved out every season.
I suppose if you're hankering for more TV, you should also catch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. We WANT to support it because of the good that it does, but, if we have to hear Ty Penington tell one more couple about how "special" they are before the reveal of their master bedroom, we'll have to poke our eyes out with a fork.
Monday:
If there's one show that hasn't disappointed all season, it's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. That no one is watching it is one of the great travesties facing our nation today. . .that and global warning, says Al Gore, though I think the former is more worthy of a documentary. It's just darn good. I love the subject matter, love the writing, love the casting. . .love it all. I'm not sure I've ever loved a cast as much as I do on this show. Only if Crystal Bernard could be brought in to be Jack (Stephen Webber)'s love interest could I possibly be more satisfied. And who knew Amanda Peet would be so great? She's brilliant.
Josh would cut my head open and remove my brain if I didn't also mention Heroes in this section. I, personally, am not that impressed. I am, however, firmly grounded in reality and like it there. I like Heroes, but Josh loves it. I'm too annoyed by the really annoying super-powers (I'm looking your way Nicki/Jessica) to like it too much. But I do love Hiro and am really glad that pixie girl is dead. But I'll still watch it. . .if only because of how much my husband loves it, and always says, "Don't forget that I'm not a hero and I have to take the garbage out after this is over" ever week. Truly.
Tuesday:
See aforementioned Gilmore Girls tirade. Still worth watching, but needing some serious retooling.
Veronica Mars has replaced the hole in my heart that was left by the sad but inevitable departure of "Felicity" some years ago. I've never recovered, but V.M. has managed some much-needed healing. It was AMAZING for the first two seasons, and it still is better written than 99% of what else is on TV, but it has taken a bit of a dive lately. I don't personally care for the new, network-appeasing three mystery format, and the recent stunt casting has been appalling (the irony of Patty Hearst playing the kidnapped heiress was dwarfed by her awful acting). . .but the word is that the story format is changing for the better, and I still love Keith Mars, Wallace, Mac and even the new, delightful Piz to keep me watching until they take my beloved show away from me.
I'm in love. With Gregory House. Not Hugh Laurie -- just Dr. House. Maybe it's because he's so smart. But probably it's because he's a crotchety, unethical, drug-addicted bastard. Issues? Maybe. I'm annoyed with the cop that's "out to get him," but it's still great -- and I want to take Robert Sean Leonard and keep him in my pocket.
Wednesday:
There's nothing I love more than transformations, even if it means months of neurotic, exercise and diet-related obssession. For this reason, I love The Biggest Loser. I love sitting on my couch and thinking how awesome it would be if I'd get off my butt and do something about losing the 15 lbs. that I'm longing to lose -- my husband next to me eating a big bowl of ice cream (it's his TBL ritual). I love being astounded by Caroline Rhea's abhorrent lack of style and penchant for neon colors (neon? what?). And I love mushy Bob and his mohawk and ripped abs, believing that, if he cares that much about fatties, he'd love me, and we could run off in haze of gay man/married woman bliss!
I suppose I should also mention America's Next Top Model, because, well, I'm American, and nothing thrills me more than a patriotic search for our next top model. Oh Tyra Banks. . .if all the world loved themselves as much as you love yourself. . .we'd all be really narcissistic. Okay, it's getting old. I hate the house and the moaning (which we all know is caused by hunger -- feed yourselves, girls! You'll feel better!), but I still love me some photo shoots.
Sorry, The Nine. You were one of my favorite new shows of the season. . .and then you became really. . .uninteresting. You also tie Lost for the most annoying "slow reveal" of any TV show.
Lost is on hiatus, and even though it's really mysterious and annoying and every week I yell at my TV, "Thanks for the answers, JJ!," I still watch. It's that addicting.
Thursday:
I couldn't be more thrilled about "Must See TV." I don't watch "My Name is Earl" and some may have issue with that, but I never have and I never will, so let's move on.
I love, love, love The Office. The most awkward 30-minutes on TV. And oftentimes the most sweet, touching and hilarious of the week. And I don't even mind that Pam and Jim haven't gotten together. I love the journey so much, it doesn't matter.
30 Rock. Oh, Judy. Funny. And if Alec Baldwin doesn't win an Emmy, I'm giving him mine. Two weeks ago, I almost fell of the couch in a fit of hysterics as Baldwin shot his promotional material. Genius. I know we overuse this word and, some might argue, shouldn't reference an actor on a 30-minute sitcom, but, in this case, I disagree. And Tina Fey. . .you're a peach.
Rounding out the line-up is Scrubs. It's quirky and zany and a little unstable, but it's like that stray puppy that you would love if you loved puppies, which I don't (beside the point) in that it's endearing and cute and, in this case, doesn't leave hair all around the house or drool.
You really shouldn't leave the house at all on Thursdays. I know our Tivo is working overtime. You MUST be watching Grey's Anatomy, as it never disappoints. Miranda Bailey could make me watch anything, even if it includes broody Isaiah Washington, the most unlikeable person in real-life. I love the interns. They're funny and great-looking and make me think that I should have gone to medical school because surely I'd be funny and great-looking like them too!
Finally, folks, it's Ugly Betty. Didn't get the big whoop in the beginning. But it's fun. And I love that cute America Ferrera. The story line with the dead lady is such a snooze, but that's why we have Tivo -- I can make it disappear.
Let me also put in a bit of a plug for the newly revamped O.C. It's better than it has been in years, and while that's not saying much, it's noticeably more clever after the death of special Marissa, whom I would've killed myself if she wasn't just a TV character. I can also continue my huge crush on Sandy and his bushy eyebrows, who I'm quite convinced could fit in my shoe, he's such a miniature man.
That's it, folks. No shows on Friday or Saturday. I suppose you can't believe how much TV I watch, and to you I only say: that's nothing. I'm also watching CSI, Law & Order: SVU, The Bachelor (I enjoy self-torture), What About Brian, Shark, Survivor, Justice, and daily viewings of Oprah and E! News. Not to mention the shows on TLC and HGTV. And Friday Night Lights is in tube storage.
All of this talk of TV has made me want to put down that book and start watching! You should too!
A Helpful Letter by Petie, Josh's wife
Dear Amy Sherman-Palladino,
I knew it was happening. My daily visits to Wanda (Watch with Kristin at EOnline!) had warned me. And, while I wasn't exactly thrilled with the news, I had to admit a certain giddy anticipation of what awaited me on Gilmore Girls this season without you, its original creator and writer. The first episode finally premiered and I loved it, and I hastily admit that I snarkily back-talked you with a "Hmm. . .we don't seem to be missing Ms. S-P one bit!" I now am agonizingly regretful for my traitorous comments.
Why have the writers not realized that no one wants to stray from the tried and true? The formula is easy: More Lorelai interacting with Rory; more Rory and Lorelai interacting with The Gilmores; and more Lorelai and Luke interacting, in any way. They don't need to date. . .they don't need to be married. . .but we loved them as friends, and we loved them as more, but we definitely don't love them as separate, mundane storylines.
While I can possibly never forgive you for introducing T.J., Luke's brother-in-law and quite possibly the most annoying character on T.V., I know you wouldn't have set about focusing on several annoying characters every episode. April? Tone it down. We have Ugly Betty. . .we don't need you. T.J. -- you're still here? Why? and annoying girl who calls her boyfriend "Boyfriend." I'm over you. Loved you on Veronica Mars. Go away. And Christopher. . .oh, Christopher. I've been a fan of yours since the beginning, but now that you're actually "in the picture," I'm not sure I like it. You don't fit in with the lovely quirkiness of Stars Hollow. The solution? More Sookie. . .more Kirk. . .more Ms. Patty and crazy Sally Struthers who makes me choke on my drink every time she talks.
We love you, Gilmore Girls, but our love is waning. We can hardly continue to defend you to skeptics (you know who you are, cc) and only want to feel the love we once felt deep within our souls.
Oh. . .I guess I stopped talking to you, A.S-P, but I blame you, so I don't care.
Sincerely,
Petie
I knew it was happening. My daily visits to Wanda (Watch with Kristin at EOnline!) had warned me. And, while I wasn't exactly thrilled with the news, I had to admit a certain giddy anticipation of what awaited me on Gilmore Girls this season without you, its original creator and writer. The first episode finally premiered and I loved it, and I hastily admit that I snarkily back-talked you with a "Hmm. . .we don't seem to be missing Ms. S-P one bit!" I now am agonizingly regretful for my traitorous comments.
Why have the writers not realized that no one wants to stray from the tried and true? The formula is easy: More Lorelai interacting with Rory; more Rory and Lorelai interacting with The Gilmores; and more Lorelai and Luke interacting, in any way. They don't need to date. . .they don't need to be married. . .but we loved them as friends, and we loved them as more, but we definitely don't love them as separate, mundane storylines.
While I can possibly never forgive you for introducing T.J., Luke's brother-in-law and quite possibly the most annoying character on T.V., I know you wouldn't have set about focusing on several annoying characters every episode. April? Tone it down. We have Ugly Betty. . .we don't need you. T.J. -- you're still here? Why? and annoying girl who calls her boyfriend "Boyfriend." I'm over you. Loved you on Veronica Mars. Go away. And Christopher. . .oh, Christopher. I've been a fan of yours since the beginning, but now that you're actually "in the picture," I'm not sure I like it. You don't fit in with the lovely quirkiness of Stars Hollow. The solution? More Sookie. . .more Kirk. . .more Ms. Patty and crazy Sally Struthers who makes me choke on my drink every time she talks.
We love you, Gilmore Girls, but our love is waning. We can hardly continue to defend you to skeptics (you know who you are, cc) and only want to feel the love we once felt deep within our souls.
Oh. . .I guess I stopped talking to you, A.S-P, but I blame you, so I don't care.
Sincerely,
Petie
Oh, Pioneer!
How did people raise kids before there was such a thing as Tivo? And how do the 93% of American's who currently don't have Tivo raise their children? I just don't get it. When you want to take a shower, do you just flip it to PBS and hope something entertaining is on and not "The Galloping Gourmet?" Or do you just shower while the kids stand in the bathroom and stare at you?
I have some rules about the shows my kids watch, at least while I am at home. Amy is a little more forgiving, probably because she is with them much longer than me, so needs more options. My rules are not based around the psychological or emotional development of the children. They are based around what bugs me.
1. No over-acting children: This basically eliminates any show with live children, but particularly "Barney and Friends." Why do those kids have to shrug after everything to say, and why do they always have to pee? Turn on "Barney and Friends" for two minutes and you will see that all of the kids are constantly swaying back and forth doing the pee-pee dance and shrugging their shoulders.
2. No singing and dancing adults: See you later, "The Wiggles" and "The Doodlebops."
3. No annoying "catch-phrases." I'm looking your way, Lofty from Bob the Builder.Every time he says "Yeah, I think so" a part of me dies.
Truthfully, my kids watch all of these shows. But they also like shows that I think are funny and clever and entertaining. Have you seen "The Wonderpets?" It's all set to classical music and has a Turtle, a Hamster and a Duck (or according to Jonah an alligator, a lion and a quack-quack) that go on missions to save other animals. Cute and when it is on, you just hear a lot of nice classical music playing.
A personal fave of mine is "The Backyardigans." Its a bunch of animals that play pretend in their backyard and have adventures. They also sing and dance like a boy band. It always makes me laugh because on Nick, Jr. before each show it tells you what valuable lessons that show teaches kids. Like "Blue's Clues" teaches problem solving. Or "Barney and Friends" teaches good manners. Well, "The Backyadigans" is encouraged because it teaches choreography. What a priceless lesson for my little ones. The other reason that we love "The Backyardigans" is because when we asked Jonah what he called his Nursery Teacher (Do you call her Sister? Or Ma'am?) he told us he called her Uniqua, which is the name of the Pink Hippo on "The Backyardigans."
Jonah thinks the greatest show on earth is "Higglytown Heroes." He watches every episode several times in the course of a day. I used to find it rather creepy, because the characters, for some reason, are all Russian nesting dolls and will occasionally hop inside one another, or pull a surfboard of something out of their middle. What kind of society is that, where if you are smaller than someone, you can just jump inside of them if you are scared or trying to hide? Just because I am tall, suddenly I am a vessel for other people to ride around inside of? What if I forget someone is in there and the then they pop out when I am showering or something? It's too messed up, but it is also a show for 4 year olds, so maybe I am overthinking it a bit. It also stars Edie McClurg as Fran the Squirrel (she played Mrs. Poole on "The Hogan Family" and a receptionist on a particular disturbing episode of CSI delivering the immortal line, "Are you a drinker, or a stinker?") and a host of other guest stars like Rocco DiSpirito as the Baker and Wilmer Valderama as Helicopter Pilot.
The greatest of all, in my book, is "Sesame Street." Not only does it teach a lot (I don't think Jonah would be able to count to 20 without the help of the count) but it is funny and not annoying and very relevant. And I watched it as a kid, which I think makes it extra great. By the way, if you haven't tuned in for a while, just be warned. Mr Hooper is dead and his store is now run by a (gay?) Asian man named Allen, Gordon's wife has completely disappeared (was she killed?) and Bob, who used to seem so young and vibrant, is now 118 years old. But he still sings "Who are the people in your neighborhood" with vigor and verve.
I have some rules about the shows my kids watch, at least while I am at home. Amy is a little more forgiving, probably because she is with them much longer than me, so needs more options. My rules are not based around the psychological or emotional development of the children. They are based around what bugs me.
1. No over-acting children: This basically eliminates any show with live children, but particularly "Barney and Friends." Why do those kids have to shrug after everything to say, and why do they always have to pee? Turn on "Barney and Friends" for two minutes and you will see that all of the kids are constantly swaying back and forth doing the pee-pee dance and shrugging their shoulders.
2. No singing and dancing adults: See you later, "The Wiggles" and "The Doodlebops."
3. No annoying "catch-phrases." I'm looking your way, Lofty from Bob the Builder.Every time he says "Yeah, I think so" a part of me dies.
Truthfully, my kids watch all of these shows. But they also like shows that I think are funny and clever and entertaining. Have you seen "The Wonderpets?" It's all set to classical music and has a Turtle, a Hamster and a Duck (or according to Jonah an alligator, a lion and a quack-quack) that go on missions to save other animals. Cute and when it is on, you just hear a lot of nice classical music playing. 
A personal fave of mine is "The Backyardigans." Its a bunch of animals that play pretend in their backyard and have adventures. They also sing and dance like a boy band. It always makes me laugh because on Nick, Jr. before each show it tells you what valuable lessons that show teaches kids. Like "Blue's Clues" teaches problem solving. Or "Barney and Friends" teaches good manners. Well, "The Backyadigans" is encouraged because it teaches choreography. What a priceless lesson for my little ones. The other reason that we love "The Backyardigans" is because when we asked Jonah what he called his Nursery Teacher (Do you call her Sister? Or Ma'am?) he told us he called her Uniqua, which is the name of the Pink Hippo on "The Backyardigans."
Jonah thinks the greatest show on earth is "Higglytown Heroes." He watches every episode several times in the course of a day. I used to find it rather creepy, because the characters, for some reason, are all Russian nesting dolls and will occasionally hop inside one another, or pull a surfboard of something out of their middle. What kind of society is that, where if you are smaller than someone, you can just jump inside of them if you are scared or trying to hide? Just because I am tall, suddenly I am a vessel for other people to ride around inside of? What if I forget someone is in there and the then they pop out when I am showering or something? It's too messed up, but it is also a show for 4 year olds, so maybe I am overthinking it a bit. It also stars Edie McClurg as Fran the Squirrel (she played Mrs. Poole on "The Hogan Family" and a receptionist on a particular disturbing episode of CSI delivering the immortal line, "Are you a drinker, or a stinker?") and a host of other guest stars like Rocco DiSpirito as the Baker and Wilmer Valderama as Helicopter Pilot.
The greatest of all, in my book, is "Sesame Street." Not only does it teach a lot (I don't think Jonah would be able to count to 20 without the help of the count) but it is funny and not annoying and very relevant. And I watched it as a kid, which I think makes it extra great. By the way, if you haven't tuned in for a while, just be warned. Mr Hooper is dead and his store is now run by a (gay?) Asian man named Allen, Gordon's wife has completely disappeared (was she killed?) and Bob, who used to seem so young and vibrant, is now 118 years old. But he still sings "Who are the people in your neighborhood" with vigor and verve.
11.08.2006
Of pies and happening
At my house we have noticed something lately. Have you? Tyler Florence, celebrity chef, has gotten really fat. Now I know some of you are saying "Hey Kettle. Did you just call Pot?" but seriously. What's up, Tyler?
Here is my research, because Chanel always wants me to quote sources. This is the cover of Tyler's cookbook from a few years ago: (which has a great recipie for cinnamon bundt cake. Highly recomended!)
He seems to be a healthy young man. Now here he is in an Applebee's promo:
Ouch, dude. Now he looks like he outweighs me. Double ouch.
I don't really blame him. If I was a chef, I would weigh 1 million pounds. I just think if you are sort of selling yourself as a "Hot Young Chef" you would hire a trainer. And the untucked shirt isn't fooling us, Tyler. We can still tell.
(BTW, the menu looks amazing: Penne Rosa with Sweet Italian Sausage, Herb-Crusted Chicken Topped with Italian Country Salad, Bruschetta Burger, and Crispy Brick Chicken with Warm Spinach Salad. Yummy. I just wonder if they would be any good if Gary from Applebee's who makes $8.50 and hour is cooking it. )
Here is my research, because Chanel always wants me to quote sources. This is the cover of Tyler's cookbook from a few years ago: (which has a great recipie for cinnamon bundt cake. Highly recomended!)
He seems to be a healthy young man. Now here he is in an Applebee's promo:
Ouch, dude. Now he looks like he outweighs me. Double ouch.
I don't really blame him. If I was a chef, I would weigh 1 million pounds. I just think if you are sort of selling yourself as a "Hot Young Chef" you would hire a trainer. And the untucked shirt isn't fooling us, Tyler. We can still tell.
(BTW, the menu looks amazing: Penne Rosa with Sweet Italian Sausage, Herb-Crusted Chicken Topped with Italian Country Salad, Bruschetta Burger, and Crispy Brick Chicken with Warm Spinach Salad. Yummy. I just wonder if they would be any good if Gary from Applebee's who makes $8.50 and hour is cooking it. )
11.04.2006
Josh's Addiction
Recently, in the comments section Design Mom asked me about what shows she should be watching, pointing out that there is a lot of laundry to fold, and great TV makes laundry folding go faster. Amen, Design Mom. Amen. So in that spirit, I thought I would list my top 10 TV shows, paying particular attention to shows you may not have heard of. I had to limit it to 10, because I probably watch 60 shows on a regular basis, and no one needs to share that addiction. And I will also be omitting shows that I have already mentioned in this blog (Studio 60, The Amazing Race, 30 Rock, etc.) Your obligation to watch those shows has not been lifted, and they may appear on future exams, but I today we will focus on some other material. Please note, I don't know what days, times or channels these shows are on. If you want to know that, please ask my Tivo)
Veronica Mars: The biggest crime being committed on TV right now, and I mean BIGGER that Two and A Half Men, is that too few people are watching Veronica Mars. To describe it, it sounds so trite, but I'll do it anyway. It is basically the story of a girl, Veronica, who has a dad who is a PI and who solves mysteries. No, it is not on ABC family. It is on the CW and is currently in its third season. Past seasons have featured big, over0arching mysteries that lasted the whole season (Who murdered Veronica's best friend, Lilly Cane and in season 2 - who caused a busload of kids to drive off of a cliff, killing them all) with a little mini mystery every week. This season, evidently, there will be three major mysteries, each lasting several episodes, thus making it easier to jump in mid-season. Currently, Veronica is trying to figure out who is raping sorority girls on Hearst College Campus and shaving their heads. Lovely, I know. But the show is one of the most well written and well-acted shows on TV and is in danger of cancellation because or low viewership. Don't let this happen, faithful readers. Tune in and you won't be disappointed. And help us figure out how Weevil became so fat this season and has weird bumps on his face and we are not supposed to notice it or something.
Gilmore Girls: Ahh, the Gilmore Girls. (I know you just lost a bucket of respect for me, Chris) I jumped on board this sow shortly after I got engaged to my lovely wife. It is a little silly at times, but cleverly written, with more pop culture references than you can shake a pop culture…something at. And it makes me wish that the town it takes place in, Starts Hollow, were a real place that I could move to. Its on right before Veronica Mars (make and evening of it) and is funny, touching, entertaining and when you reference it, Chris Clark will growl. Everyone wins.
House: This is that show that started a few years ago about the grouchy doctor and you thought, "Do I really need another medical procedural dram?" because that is exactly what I thought. We let it go for a year, then Amy jumped on board and then got me hooked as well. It is an interesting, medical procedure drama, just like it appears, but Dr. House is one of the greatest characters on TV. Crochetty and funny and wonderful. Give it a couple of episodes. It will be entertaining from the first one that you watch, but after a couple, you will be hooked.
Grey's Anatomy: I know everyone in America already watches this show, but if you haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, do it. Soapy, campy, kitschy and everything that you need on a Thursday night. Plus, some of the best acting and casting on TV.
The Office: Genius. Pure, unadulterated genius. This is one of only two shows that regularly make me laugh out loud (The other being 30 Rock.) The comedy is relatable and painful and the love story is one of the best on TV. The casting on this show is unparalleled, making the most ordinary seeming people, (who don't look like they belong in Hollywood) become the people that you love to hate and love to root for. This review is getting a little gushing, but I think this is one of the best shows on TV.
30 Rock: Yes, I know I have mentioned this show before, thus violating my own rules, but I think it merits a shout out. It was made by Tina Fey, of SNL and Mean Girls fame and is about the inner workings of a TV studio producing an SNL type show, but unlike Studio 60, it is a comedy and only 30 minutes long. It's damn funny too. Tracey Morgan, who I never thought was that funny on SNL, is fantasgreat as a washed up, crazy comedian and Alec Baldwin slays me as the network president. Why is he so funny?
Top Chef: What would a list of TV shows that I love be without at least one reality show? This show is on Bravo and similar to Project Runway, but it is about Chef's instead of Fashion Designers. So maybe it appeals more to food nerds like me, but is still worth a watch. Chefs are some of the most arrogant and crazy people on the planet and to watch them compete is nothing short of lovely.
The Nine: "The what?" you are saying. The Nine, which is also in danger of cancellation, is one of best new shows on TV, next to Studio 60. The show opened with nine strangers entering a bank, which is then robbed at gunpoint. The robbery is only supposed to take 5 minutes, but because someone calls 911 and a standoff starts, it lasts 52 hours. The great part about this show is that we don't really know what went on in the bank during that time. We get to see a few minutes each week in flashbacks, even though whatever went on in there is obviously shaping the lives of the 9 people who went through the ordeal. It has a great cast (Tim Daly (of Wings fame - whatever happened to you, Crystal Bernard?) Scott Wolf (who used to live in Park City) and a bunch of other people who you will say "I've seen them somewhere before!" Watch it before it is too late.
Heroes: Another show that I don't really think needs my help, but just in case… If you live in a cave, this is a show about ordinary people who discover that they have super powers. It makes my inner geek and inner nerd high five each other, but I think it appeals to the non-geek crowd as well. My wife, who does not watch X-Men movies of her own volition likes it, or else she is humoring me because she knows I squirm like a 12 year old boy when cool stuff happens. It's one of those shows like Lost where we don't really know what is happening, but unlike lost, stuff happens really fast and we don't have to wait 36 episodes to get some answers. A joy.
What About Brian?: I'm such a nerd that I like this show, but hear me out. It is a total and utter guilty pleasure. It will never be "The Emmy Award winning What About Brian? It is executive produced by JJ Abrahms (and I would watch if he made a show about dirt,) but is more the Felicity JJ than the Lost JJ. It is basically the story of a mopey guy named Brian who falls in love with his best friends fiancé, Beyonce. (Just kidding. Her name is Marjorie. ) Soapy nerdy premise, but the show has some fun actors and characters, except for the Arquette. I hate the Arquettes.
Anyway. That's it. Keep in mind, this is merely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to shows I watch. But these are some goodies. Some smart, others not so smart, but all entertaining. There's lots more out there too...Any other suggestions that I missed?
Veronica Mars: The biggest crime being committed on TV right now, and I mean BIGGER that Two and A Half Men, is that too few people are watching Veronica Mars. To describe it, it sounds so trite, but I'll do it anyway. It is basically the story of a girl, Veronica, who has a dad who is a PI and who solves mysteries. No, it is not on ABC family. It is on the CW and is currently in its third season. Past seasons have featured big, over0arching mysteries that lasted the whole season (Who murdered Veronica's best friend, Lilly Cane and in season 2 - who caused a busload of kids to drive off of a cliff, killing them all) with a little mini mystery every week. This season, evidently, there will be three major mysteries, each lasting several episodes, thus making it easier to jump in mid-season. Currently, Veronica is trying to figure out who is raping sorority girls on Hearst College Campus and shaving their heads. Lovely, I know. But the show is one of the most well written and well-acted shows on TV and is in danger of cancellation because or low viewership. Don't let this happen, faithful readers. Tune in and you won't be disappointed. And help us figure out how Weevil became so fat this season and has weird bumps on his face and we are not supposed to notice it or something.
Gilmore Girls: Ahh, the Gilmore Girls. (I know you just lost a bucket of respect for me, Chris) I jumped on board this sow shortly after I got engaged to my lovely wife. It is a little silly at times, but cleverly written, with more pop culture references than you can shake a pop culture…something at. And it makes me wish that the town it takes place in, Starts Hollow, were a real place that I could move to. Its on right before Veronica Mars (make and evening of it) and is funny, touching, entertaining and when you reference it, Chris Clark will growl. Everyone wins.
House: This is that show that started a few years ago about the grouchy doctor and you thought, "Do I really need another medical procedural dram?" because that is exactly what I thought. We let it go for a year, then Amy jumped on board and then got me hooked as well. It is an interesting, medical procedure drama, just like it appears, but Dr. House is one of the greatest characters on TV. Crochetty and funny and wonderful. Give it a couple of episodes. It will be entertaining from the first one that you watch, but after a couple, you will be hooked.
Grey's Anatomy: I know everyone in America already watches this show, but if you haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, do it. Soapy, campy, kitschy and everything that you need on a Thursday night. Plus, some of the best acting and casting on TV.
The Office: Genius. Pure, unadulterated genius. This is one of only two shows that regularly make me laugh out loud (The other being 30 Rock.) The comedy is relatable and painful and the love story is one of the best on TV. The casting on this show is unparalleled, making the most ordinary seeming people, (who don't look like they belong in Hollywood) become the people that you love to hate and love to root for. This review is getting a little gushing, but I think this is one of the best shows on TV.
30 Rock: Yes, I know I have mentioned this show before, thus violating my own rules, but I think it merits a shout out. It was made by Tina Fey, of SNL and Mean Girls fame and is about the inner workings of a TV studio producing an SNL type show, but unlike Studio 60, it is a comedy and only 30 minutes long. It's damn funny too. Tracey Morgan, who I never thought was that funny on SNL, is fantasgreat as a washed up, crazy comedian and Alec Baldwin slays me as the network president. Why is he so funny?
Top Chef: What would a list of TV shows that I love be without at least one reality show? This show is on Bravo and similar to Project Runway, but it is about Chef's instead of Fashion Designers. So maybe it appeals more to food nerds like me, but is still worth a watch. Chefs are some of the most arrogant and crazy people on the planet and to watch them compete is nothing short of lovely.
The Nine: "The what?" you are saying. The Nine, which is also in danger of cancellation, is one of best new shows on TV, next to Studio 60. The show opened with nine strangers entering a bank, which is then robbed at gunpoint. The robbery is only supposed to take 5 minutes, but because someone calls 911 and a standoff starts, it lasts 52 hours. The great part about this show is that we don't really know what went on in the bank during that time. We get to see a few minutes each week in flashbacks, even though whatever went on in there is obviously shaping the lives of the 9 people who went through the ordeal. It has a great cast (Tim Daly (of Wings fame - whatever happened to you, Crystal Bernard?) Scott Wolf (who used to live in Park City) and a bunch of other people who you will say "I've seen them somewhere before!" Watch it before it is too late.
Heroes: Another show that I don't really think needs my help, but just in case… If you live in a cave, this is a show about ordinary people who discover that they have super powers. It makes my inner geek and inner nerd high five each other, but I think it appeals to the non-geek crowd as well. My wife, who does not watch X-Men movies of her own volition likes it, or else she is humoring me because she knows I squirm like a 12 year old boy when cool stuff happens. It's one of those shows like Lost where we don't really know what is happening, but unlike lost, stuff happens really fast and we don't have to wait 36 episodes to get some answers. A joy.
What About Brian?: I'm such a nerd that I like this show, but hear me out. It is a total and utter guilty pleasure. It will never be "The Emmy Award winning What About Brian? It is executive produced by JJ Abrahms (and I would watch if he made a show about dirt,) but is more the Felicity JJ than the Lost JJ. It is basically the story of a mopey guy named Brian who falls in love with his best friends fiancé, Beyonce. (Just kidding. Her name is Marjorie. ) Soapy nerdy premise, but the show has some fun actors and characters, except for the Arquette. I hate the Arquettes.
Anyway. That's it. Keep in mind, this is merely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to shows I watch. But these are some goodies. Some smart, others not so smart, but all entertaining. There's lots more out there too...Any other suggestions that I missed?
10.24.2006
You should stick around...
I realize that everyone who reads this blog is either a friend of mine, most of whom are already Tivaholics, or my family, none of whom really watch TV at all, but I am here today to make a plea. There is a fantasgreat show on television that evidentially is in danger of being canceled, which would be such a shame when shows like Desperate Housewives and Two and a Half Men are still on the air. It's called "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." Have you heard of it? Well, you should.
It was made by the guy who made "The West Wing," Tommy Schlamme (Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Schlamme for naming your son Tommy.) I never really watch that show, and truthfully, was a little annoyed that it always won emmy's. Perhaps I judged too soon. Because if "The West Wing" was anywhere near as captivating as "Studio 60," then I was wrong.
"Studio 60" is basically the story of a late night sketch comedy show (ala Saturday Night Live) and the behind the scenes goings on. But it is genius. It is written so well, and so thoughtfully and compassionately that it makes me feel warm and happy inside when I watch it. There is no mystery, or conspiracy, or anything, which sets it apart from all of the other shows on TV this fall. And it isn't really dark, or trashy or anything. And the best part is that it is on right after Hero's, which I know you are all watching anyway, (You are, right? Seriously, you should be. When Hiro showed up with a samurai sword and speaking English. Geektastic!) so all you have to do is stick around for another hour. You won't be sorry.
I guess the reason this show appeals to me so much is that it is about TV, and not about politics. Is that sad? Probably a little, but I would much rather watch the inner working of a TV show than the inner working of the White House. And just in case you are confused, this show isn't a comedy, really. It's a Drama. There Is a comedy on about the inner workings of a late night sketch comedy show, but it is called "30 Rock" (Why is it called "30 Rock?") and is also genius, but that's a whole other post.
So watch "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." Tell your friends. And if you need more shows to watch, try "The Nine" and "Veronica Mars." I know I like to throw the word genius around, but GENIUS! Both of them. And if you still need more shows to watch then call me. I watch them all.
10.17.2006
Runaway
I realize that by the time I post this, the Project Runway finale will have already aired. But I have not watched it. I am waiting for my wife to come home from Wal-Mart with the supplies for Noely birthday cake tomorrow. And as there is nothing to watch on the Tivo (except friday's Passions) I just want to go on the record with my predictions.
And the winner is....Jeff. The judges are always looking for someone who can be innovative and unique. I think Jeffrey has the best chance of that, barring him being kicked out due to him hiring Laotian children to construct his garments, which I just don't buy. That tattoo on his neck gives me the heebies, but I think he is one of the most talented designer on the show.
Michael could be the dark horse, and not just because he is black. Was that a racist joke? Sorry. I LOVE Michael, but I think that in some sort of effort to seem masculine he is obsessed with everything being sexy. And from what we have seen so far, his sexy really seemed a little trashy. And glittery pockets on a white shirt? That seems a little Talbot'sy.
Uli. Your a delight, but I think your collection will be boring. She'll be the Daniel Vosovic of this season. Great collection, probably really commercial, but boring. Just a bunch of printed Sun-Dresses.
And Laura. Anyone that can raise six kids, live in fabulous loft in NYC and design sleek clothing gets my kudos, but again, I think she will be too safe.
So Jeff it is. How 'bout if I am right, everyone sends me a dollar?
10.01.2006
Relevant?
I just finished watching the season premier of Saturday Night Live, and I have to say, I didn't laugh one time. What's happened to this show? I haven't been the biggest fan, but with the Tivo it's been worth watching to skip the boring sketches (anything about Bush) and get to the funny ones. But tonight was dismal. Sadly, it was the season premier, too. You would think that they would have had the whole summer to come up with some really funny stuff...but you would be wrong. There was a sketch with Farah Fawcett chasing her boob, and one about guys drinking a lot of water and another one where people TSA agents thought a turkey sandwich was a gel. Seriously? That was the big joke? Sad.
The sad thing is that I really would rather be watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. No, not the NBC show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, but the NBS show within a show. It seems much funnier.
And no more Rachel Dratch means no more Debbie downer.
Tina, I hope you took the funny with you.
The sad thing is that I really would rather be watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. No, not the NBC show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, but the NBS show within a show. It seems much funnier.
And no more Rachel Dratch means no more Debbie downer.
Tina, I hope you took the funny with you.
9.27.2006
Models and Mongols
Are you watching The Amazing Race? Because you definitely should be. As reality TV goes, it is one of the best. It always has the most interesting characters on reality TV, and lovely little life metaphors besides. Like a few seasons ago when Charla, the midget, had to carry a 50 lb. slab of beef 3 miles while her useless cousin, Mjarla, whined and complained. This season isn't any less delightful. There is the one legged girl and her boyfriend who makes prosthetics for a living and treats her like his toy robot when she is clearly over the moon about him. And there is the requisite couple who isn't sure if they should get married or break up so they decide that they would find out by traveling competitively and have the whole thing filmed with $1 million on the line. As soon as they introduced them in the first episode Amy and I knew they would be saying degrading things to each other by the 15-minute mark.
But our favorite team is the recovering addicts who got off drugs and became male models. They have suffered through so much, you guys, and now they just want to experience the world and be hot while doing it. Not that I would ever make fun of someone's addiction or the incredible journey it would be to recover, but come on. To be formerly drug addicted models? Its so cliché. It's like being a parody of yourself.
My friends and I have come up with a term for that kind of behavior. When someone does something that is so predictably "them," we say it is "so Raven." The term came from a TV show starring Raven Simone (she used to be the little cute one on the later years of The Cosby Show) on the Disney channel called That's So Raven. If you ever want to see a study in the finer subtleties of acting, by the way, check this gem out. Never will you see more double takes, spit takes, zany faces and prat falls in 30 minutes than on this show.
I don’t know why we decided to use that term to describe someone who was a caricature of themselves, but we did, and it stuck. Which is why my picture on profile is of none other than Raven Simone. Because if anyone is so Raven, it's me. Every time I get my first diet coke at 8am, eat my third dessert of the evening after my second dinner and a bowl of cereal, every time I get giddily excited about a new TV show, it's just so Raven. So maybe I shouldn't judge the addicts turned models for being parodies of themselves when clearly I am one as well. (A parody. Not a model…or an addict….unless caffeine counts.) But if we can't stand in judgment over reality TV contestants, then what is society coming to?
And as I side note, for those of you who want to keep up to date on your homework here are some shows I am sure to mention in future blogs because I just can't get enough of them:
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - smart and dark and engaging and brilliant. I can see it becoming a favorite
Heroes - hold me. This show fills the nerdy Buffy shaped hole in my soul. A TV show about superheroes? HOORAY! But how Greg Grundberg got a job on a non-JJ produced show we will never know
Gilmore Girls - debuted tonight and I have to say…so far we do not feel the loss of Amy Sherman-Palladino. As witty and lovely as ever. I loved when they tried to talk smack about racquetball. So classic.
9.23.2006
A Whiter Shade of Pale
My blog has been a bit of a mess lately and I know it. I know that none of you, fair readers, care one lick about the Satellite Sisters, but you should, but I digress. You may have noticed a new look to my blog, as well, and at last, a new posting.
The change was inspired by Design Mom, a fantastic blog about the world of motherhood and the world of design and how they intersect. It is written by Gabby Blair, a designer and mother in NYC. I found the whole thing so clever and so inspiring. And the reason was that it had such a clear point of view. So I decided that is what my blog needed. A clearer point of view.
If there is one person I know who is always talking about a clear point of view, it is Tim Gunn on Project Runway. He is always telling the designers that they need a point of view. Sure Vincent can make a black vee-neck sweater and a pair of wool pants and talk for hours about how it "gets him off" and "turns him on" (which, consequently causes me to throw up.) but is it fashion? Not really. It's clothing. But there is no point of view. What is he saying? Well, nothing, except a whole bunch more vulgar nonsense.
So what's my point of view? What do I know and love and understand more than anything that colors my interactions with the world like design colors Gabby's? To anyone who has known me more than three days the answer is pretty obvious. I love TV. My favorite day of the year is when the Entertainment Weekly Fall TV preview issue arrives and I can sit down with a highlighter and map out my schedule. This year I used a blue highlighter for upstairs and a green one for down. I firmly believe that TV is home to some of the smartest and best writing happening in the world right now. I used to love going to the movies, and I still do, but I'd rather have some great TV to watch.
This weeks TV lessons were taught to us by a chubby Latino, a bunch of anorexics, and the woman who loves herself more than any other. And the lesson was this: quit taking yourself so seriously. The chubby Latino was Billy, the most recently ousted member of Survivor: Cook Islands. Billy told Jeff that he didn't care that he had been voted out because he had already won because he had found True Love…with Candace, a member of another tribe. He told the gob smacked Jeff that they had found love at first sight and each mouthed "I love you" to each other during the challenge. Mi scusi? We had to rewind to see said exchange and this is how it went:
Candice: Sorry you guys lost the challenge.
Billy: I know. I'm the next to go.
Candice: Well, we love you.
Billy: I love you, too.
*sigh* Sad, Billy,. Sad.
The anorexics were the gals for Cycle 7 of America's Next Top Model, which takes itself so seriously that it has cycles and not seasons. There were more tears shed in that episode than there are at my Mom's house during and episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Boo hoo! I'm from the ghetto and everyone's always told me I was ugly and I'm going to prove that I am beautiful! Poor me! My sisters were always the pretty ones! I'll show them! Waa - Waa! I was in a plane crash when I was nine and my mother laid her dying body across mine to save me from hypothermia! Boo…Ok, so that last one merit's a little crying.
Y'all're models! You get your picture taken because you are pretty. You aren't surgeons, or firemen or Diet Coke factory workers. You don't contribute to the good of humanity. So stop crying. But we know when you learned that immense self-serious-taking from. From the queen of them all, Ms. Tyra Banks. Has anyone in humanity ever loved herself more than Tyra? Can she ever walk just walk into a room. This week, her grand entrance was preceded by two fat spinning gay twins. I'm not kidding. Maybe I would love my self more if every time I was going to enter a room two guys in long robes went spinning in first yelling "a-swirl!" I'm gonna give it a try.
This week the models did "The Most Controversial Shoot Ever!" No, not the nude one at the beginning of the show. That’s old hat. The one where they posed acting out model stereotypes. Like bulimia, and the casting couch, and the dumb blonde, and the diva. But they were just stereotypes. Models are really just home girls like Tyra….Um, Pot. This is the Kettle. BLACK!
Anyway, I'll be back next week with a big bowl of Murddle Mountain Ice Cream to watch and revel. I mock TV. But I mock because I love.
The change was inspired by Design Mom, a fantastic blog about the world of motherhood and the world of design and how they intersect. It is written by Gabby Blair, a designer and mother in NYC. I found the whole thing so clever and so inspiring. And the reason was that it had such a clear point of view. So I decided that is what my blog needed. A clearer point of view.
If there is one person I know who is always talking about a clear point of view, it is Tim Gunn on Project Runway. He is always telling the designers that they need a point of view. Sure Vincent can make a black vee-neck sweater and a pair of wool pants and talk for hours about how it "gets him off" and "turns him on" (which, consequently causes me to throw up.) but is it fashion? Not really. It's clothing. But there is no point of view. What is he saying? Well, nothing, except a whole bunch more vulgar nonsense.
So what's my point of view? What do I know and love and understand more than anything that colors my interactions with the world like design colors Gabby's? To anyone who has known me more than three days the answer is pretty obvious. I love TV. My favorite day of the year is when the Entertainment Weekly Fall TV preview issue arrives and I can sit down with a highlighter and map out my schedule. This year I used a blue highlighter for upstairs and a green one for down. I firmly believe that TV is home to some of the smartest and best writing happening in the world right now. I used to love going to the movies, and I still do, but I'd rather have some great TV to watch.
This weeks TV lessons were taught to us by a chubby Latino, a bunch of anorexics, and the woman who loves herself more than any other. And the lesson was this: quit taking yourself so seriously. The chubby Latino was Billy, the most recently ousted member of Survivor: Cook Islands. Billy told Jeff that he didn't care that he had been voted out because he had already won because he had found True Love…with Candace, a member of another tribe. He told the gob smacked Jeff that they had found love at first sight and each mouthed "I love you" to each other during the challenge. Mi scusi? We had to rewind to see said exchange and this is how it went:
Candice: Sorry you guys lost the challenge.
Billy: I know. I'm the next to go.
Candice: Well, we love you.
Billy: I love you, too.
*sigh* Sad, Billy,. Sad.
The anorexics were the gals for Cycle 7 of America's Next Top Model, which takes itself so seriously that it has cycles and not seasons. There were more tears shed in that episode than there are at my Mom's house during and episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Boo hoo! I'm from the ghetto and everyone's always told me I was ugly and I'm going to prove that I am beautiful! Poor me! My sisters were always the pretty ones! I'll show them! Waa - Waa! I was in a plane crash when I was nine and my mother laid her dying body across mine to save me from hypothermia! Boo…Ok, so that last one merit's a little crying.
Y'all're models! You get your picture taken because you are pretty. You aren't surgeons, or firemen or Diet Coke factory workers. You don't contribute to the good of humanity. So stop crying. But we know when you learned that immense self-serious-taking from. From the queen of them all, Ms. Tyra Banks. Has anyone in humanity ever loved herself more than Tyra? Can she ever walk just walk into a room. This week, her grand entrance was preceded by two fat spinning gay twins. I'm not kidding. Maybe I would love my self more if every time I was going to enter a room two guys in long robes went spinning in first yelling "a-swirl!" I'm gonna give it a try.
This week the models did "The Most Controversial Shoot Ever!" No, not the nude one at the beginning of the show. That’s old hat. The one where they posed acting out model stereotypes. Like bulimia, and the casting couch, and the dumb blonde, and the diva. But they were just stereotypes. Models are really just home girls like Tyra….Um, Pot. This is the Kettle. BLACK!
Anyway, I'll be back next week with a big bowl of Murddle Mountain Ice Cream to watch and revel. I mock TV. But I mock because I love.
7.07.2006
I need my Cozy Couch.
Evidentally, this blog is now my forum to discuss the Satellite Sisters. I guess because I know no one really cares, but on a blog you can pretend that everyone is hanging on your every word. I can't tell you how upset I was to tune in to hear the Sisters today, only to discover that AM 820 has replaced most of their programming with what they like to call "Soft Sunday Sounds" music. Oops. I just punctured my own eardrum. Does anyone else find it interesting that AM 820, the self-proclamed "Utah's First Voice for Women" lasted about 3 months and then was replaced by Mormon pop music? And the only surviving shows that were moved to the KSL station were "People of Faith" and "Nanny Radio?" Is there a message here?
And is it more disturbing that I am this upset by it, or that I wrote an angry email to KSL radio and when I had to fill in the "Name" box I put Judy Bingham. I guess I thought they would take me more seriously as a woman...named Judy B.
The thing is, I'm so over listening to the radio on the way to work. Chunga, you're annoying, BTW and consequently, you don't know everything. I have recently decided to start listening to books on tape but have discovered two major problems. 1) Books is long it takes me 3 - 4 days to get through one disc and the book I am reading right now is 19 discs long. Oy. And 2) Do you have to have a different voice for every character? I guess you do, so it is clear who is talking but it makes otherwise good literature seem trite. The book I'm reading right now has in it:
1. A normal sounding woman
2. A california surfer boy
3. A German Grandma
4. A Scottish guy
5. A Brittish guy
6. A guy with a Texas twang
7. A southern belle
8. A stereotypical Gay-voiced guy
9. A whiney little boy
And I'm in chapter 3. And the thing is, I don't think the author necessarily intended all of these people to have accents. But they sure do.
Anyway, I just want Liz, Sheila, Julie and Monica (and the one, forgettable sister) back so I can enjoy the ride home again.
And is it more disturbing that I am this upset by it, or that I wrote an angry email to KSL radio and when I had to fill in the "Name" box I put Judy Bingham. I guess I thought they would take me more seriously as a woman...named Judy B.
The thing is, I'm so over listening to the radio on the way to work. Chunga, you're annoying, BTW and consequently, you don't know everything. I have recently decided to start listening to books on tape but have discovered two major problems. 1) Books is long it takes me 3 - 4 days to get through one disc and the book I am reading right now is 19 discs long. Oy. And 2) Do you have to have a different voice for every character? I guess you do, so it is clear who is talking but it makes otherwise good literature seem trite. The book I'm reading right now has in it:
1. A normal sounding woman
2. A california surfer boy
3. A German Grandma
4. A Scottish guy
5. A Brittish guy
6. A guy with a Texas twang
7. A southern belle
8. A stereotypical Gay-voiced guy
9. A whiney little boy
And I'm in chapter 3. And the thing is, I don't think the author necessarily intended all of these people to have accents. But they sure do.
Anyway, I just want Liz, Sheila, Julie and Monica (and the one, forgettable sister) back so I can enjoy the ride home again.
5.03.2006
Sister, womyn, sister...
So I have a new addiction. Yes, move over Diet Coke (though not too far,) Tivo and Popsicles. I am not addicted to Utah's AM 820: Talk Radio for Women.
I guess I should say I am addicted to the WHOLE station. I can't think of anyone who I would less want to hear in the morning on my way to work than Kurt Bestor (yes, he hosts the AM talk show.) Why do people who have successful careers in LDS music think that we want to at all experience them outside of that forum? (I'm looking your way McLean. Quit acting!) Sure, sing "Prayer of the Children" with your overly synthesized voice. But please don't try and make me guess which famous person's birthday it is by using some clues you made up on the spot. Remember when you wanted me to guess Chris Noth and you said that he was on CSI. It's actually Law and Order.
There is also a program on in the PM where some special guy has callers call in and tell him about their dreams and then he interprets them. What is more boring than listening to someone describe a dream they had? NOTHING!! Do us all a favor, keep them to yourself.
Who I really love are 5 lovely sisters called the Satellite Sisters. (www.satellitesisters.com) Basically they are five sisters living in different cities (well three are in LA) who just talk about whatever. It sure sounds boring when I talk about it in a blog, but seriously, they is funny! The other day one of them was telling how she was making her son's lunch for school and realized she was out of bread. So what did she pack instead of a sandwich? A bag of shredded cheese. I almost wrecked my car I was laughing so hard.
I can't really do them justice in describing it. I think Amy is pretty sick of me coming home and telling her what funny thing I heard on the sisters that day. But trust me. Tune in any weekday from 3 to 6 and give a listen.
Ok. So this blog isn't funny. Do I have to be funny all of the time!? I just wanted to tell the shredded cheese story.
4.19.2006
Ace of Base
Dear Ace-
Why are you still on the American Idol, Ace? I realize that I am a hetero male, and therefore, not your target audience, but seriously, who do you think you are fooling? You have an OK-ish voice, but we are so over the pleading eyes and the blushing cheeks that we can hardly watch anymore. At my house, we call you the Pleading Whipdog, because you always look tenderly at the audience as though you are a dog who was just harshly beaten. It is that look that says, "Please, I'm so tender and innocent. Just love me."Â
We know, now, that you have a scar on your chest, but did you think that just because you point to it while singing about a scar that you would win us over? "Sweetie!" I would say to my wife, "Ace just sang a line about a scar, AND pointed to a REAL scar on his chest at the same time! Start text messaging those votes!" It may have one you some extra "one on one" time with Paula, but it didn't do you any favors at our house. Does Taylor point to his hair when he sings a song with the word "gray" in it? Does Bucky point to his teeth when singing a song with the word "snaggle" in it? Does Elliot point to his whole person when singing a song with "dufus" in it? No. EW had it right. No more literal hand gestures.Â
How you are still on the show, we'll never know. I guess I don't ever vote, though so I can't complain about you, just like I can't complain about the President. Wait a minute, I did vote for him. Hey, Bush! What's up?!
In case you are wondering, Ace, we're rooting for Taylor. I would actually buy a Taylor CD. His voice is that good/interesting. I know, I know. I said I would actually buy a CD by Justin Guarini, too. And no, I didn't. But I did buy the Buddy Jewel CD AND the Brad Cotter CD, so I'm not all talk. (Those were the first two winners of Nashville Star, in case you were wondering.)
Anyway, you suck. Go home.
Love,Â
The Binghams
PS. Tell Paris she looked like an Avon Lady/Jehovah's Witness last night. She's next after you
Why are you still on the American Idol, Ace? I realize that I am a hetero male, and therefore, not your target audience, but seriously, who do you think you are fooling? You have an OK-ish voice, but we are so over the pleading eyes and the blushing cheeks that we can hardly watch anymore. At my house, we call you the Pleading Whipdog, because you always look tenderly at the audience as though you are a dog who was just harshly beaten. It is that look that says, "Please, I'm so tender and innocent. Just love me."Â
We know, now, that you have a scar on your chest, but did you think that just because you point to it while singing about a scar that you would win us over? "Sweetie!" I would say to my wife, "Ace just sang a line about a scar, AND pointed to a REAL scar on his chest at the same time! Start text messaging those votes!" It may have one you some extra "one on one" time with Paula, but it didn't do you any favors at our house. Does Taylor point to his hair when he sings a song with the word "gray" in it? Does Bucky point to his teeth when singing a song with the word "snaggle" in it? Does Elliot point to his whole person when singing a song with "dufus" in it? No. EW had it right. No more literal hand gestures.Â
How you are still on the show, we'll never know. I guess I don't ever vote, though so I can't complain about you, just like I can't complain about the President. Wait a minute, I did vote for him. Hey, Bush! What's up?!
In case you are wondering, Ace, we're rooting for Taylor. I would actually buy a Taylor CD. His voice is that good/interesting. I know, I know. I said I would actually buy a CD by Justin Guarini, too. And no, I didn't. But I did buy the Buddy Jewel CD AND the Brad Cotter CD, so I'm not all talk. (Those were the first two winners of Nashville Star, in case you were wondering.)
Anyway, you suck. Go home.
Love,Â
The Binghams
PS. Tell Paris she looked like an Avon Lady/Jehovah's Witness last night. She's next after you
1.30.2006
Oh, sweet mystery...
Yes, I know! I know I haven't written a blog since September and I am sorry. I have heard about it from many of you and I apologize. My goal for Ought-Six is one blog a month, so I thought I better get on the stick before February rolled around.
Here are the events that occurred in my life since my last blog that have prevented me from writing a new one:
1. We moved into a new home.
2. We had a baby (Noel) 4 days later. (And PS, it isn't pronounced like Christmas, it is pronounced like the boys' name Joel. And yes we named him after Noel on Felicity.)
3. We didn't sleep for a month.
4. Thanksgiving
5. Our new home flooded
6. Christmas
7. The subsequent repairs to our new home.
8. We went on a cruise.
Guess which one of these I am here to report on today? Yes, that's right, the cruise.
Is there any vacation grander than the cruise? All I really did for six whole days was sit around a lot, eat food every 45 seconds, and have my waitress Oslam bring me another Diet Coke every 4 minutes. PARADISE! We didn't ever really love the Ports-o'-Call. They were fine and stuff. We just loved the boat. In the ports, people wanted money for food and the Diet Coke was not free. Put me back on my Rhapsody of the Sea where I can add a lime to that DC, or a shot of grenadine. Mmmmm...
One event of note, however, merits special attention. On our cruise, there was a lovely buffet, open mostly all day, where you could get a wide variety of foods for free. There was a cold desert bar (With Cheesecake, creme brulee', Key Lime Pie, whatever,) and on most days, a hot desert option. One day the hot desert option was labeled Churroz Pudding. "Hmmm. What is that?" I thought. There was a side of vanilla sauce to go with it as well. I was intrigued. So I flipped open the chaffing dish and what did I behold? A big tray of churros. Now why they were spelled Churroz, is beyond me. Perhaps to give them more street cred? But it was a big beautiful tray of hot curros for me to partake of, for free, and in unlimited quantities. That, right there, was worth the cost of the cruise.
Now as deserts go in my book, #1 is the lovely Pie. I could eat Pie morning, noon and night every day of the week and never tire of it. Second place is reserved for the Cookie. Any variety, really, except those weird ones my Grandma makes filled with pureed raisins. I'd eat cookies and milk every night before bed if cookies made me skinnier instead of fatter. (And I actually did do this on my cruise. Cookies and milk from room service every night.) But third place is held for the lovely Mexican confection, the churro. The people of Mexico have contributed some wonderful things to the gastronomic world, but few equal the churro. So crisp and delicious on the outside, so warm and gooey on the inside. And then with that sweet taste of cinnamon and sugar...a tear comes to my eye.
When I am at an amusement park, as those who have traveled with me can attest, I have to stop at a churro stand nearly every time I see one. And do you know that Costco has started selling churros now in their little cafe, instead of pretzels? Great PR move. Pretzels are OK, but pale in comparison to the churro. It make going to costco even more of a pleasure. But a bottomless bowl of hot churros with optional vanilla sauce was almost more than I could handle. Pure Joy.
Another exciting thing happened on the cruise that merits mention. We saw a performance by the WORST, most awesome boy band to ever come out of Branson, Missouri: The Haygoods. Check them out for yourself at www.thehaygoods.com. They were a joy. They sang lots of cheesy songs, like "Celebration" and "Under the Boardwalk," did some awesome power clogging and talked A LOT about how hot they were and how awesome. It was priceless. On their website you will see them holding violins, as though they do some fiddlin. We saw a lot more clapping about the head than fiddlin'. And the two little kid Haygoods were not there. Just the 4 "HOT" (their word, not mine) brother, and the one dumpy, fat brother Matthew who stood in the back corner of the stage the whole show with the lights on him slightly dimmed. HE is SO cramping their style! If anyone is looking for a birthday gift for me (June 17th,) please check out the "merchandise" section of the Haygoods website. I would love either the signed 8x10s for $15, or the "I Heart the Haygoods" Teddy Bear for an undisclosed amount of money. They'll even sign it!
Anywho. The babies cute, the new house in great, the flood damage is repaired, and I hope I am back to the world of blogging.
Here are the events that occurred in my life since my last blog that have prevented me from writing a new one:
1. We moved into a new home.
2. We had a baby (Noel) 4 days later. (And PS, it isn't pronounced like Christmas, it is pronounced like the boys' name Joel. And yes we named him after Noel on Felicity.)
3. We didn't sleep for a month.
4. Thanksgiving
5. Our new home flooded
6. Christmas
7. The subsequent repairs to our new home.
8. We went on a cruise.
Guess which one of these I am here to report on today? Yes, that's right, the cruise.
Is there any vacation grander than the cruise? All I really did for six whole days was sit around a lot, eat food every 45 seconds, and have my waitress Oslam bring me another Diet Coke every 4 minutes. PARADISE! We didn't ever really love the Ports-o'-Call. They were fine and stuff. We just loved the boat. In the ports, people wanted money for food and the Diet Coke was not free. Put me back on my Rhapsody of the Sea where I can add a lime to that DC, or a shot of grenadine. Mmmmm...
One event of note, however, merits special attention. On our cruise, there was a lovely buffet, open mostly all day, where you could get a wide variety of foods for free. There was a cold desert bar (With Cheesecake, creme brulee', Key Lime Pie, whatever,) and on most days, a hot desert option. One day the hot desert option was labeled Churroz Pudding. "Hmmm. What is that?" I thought. There was a side of vanilla sauce to go with it as well. I was intrigued. So I flipped open the chaffing dish and what did I behold? A big tray of churros. Now why they were spelled Churroz, is beyond me. Perhaps to give them more street cred? But it was a big beautiful tray of hot curros for me to partake of, for free, and in unlimited quantities. That, right there, was worth the cost of the cruise.
Now as deserts go in my book, #1 is the lovely Pie. I could eat Pie morning, noon and night every day of the week and never tire of it. Second place is reserved for the Cookie. Any variety, really, except those weird ones my Grandma makes filled with pureed raisins. I'd eat cookies and milk every night before bed if cookies made me skinnier instead of fatter. (And I actually did do this on my cruise. Cookies and milk from room service every night.) But third place is held for the lovely Mexican confection, the churro. The people of Mexico have contributed some wonderful things to the gastronomic world, but few equal the churro. So crisp and delicious on the outside, so warm and gooey on the inside. And then with that sweet taste of cinnamon and sugar...a tear comes to my eye.
When I am at an amusement park, as those who have traveled with me can attest, I have to stop at a churro stand nearly every time I see one. And do you know that Costco has started selling churros now in their little cafe, instead of pretzels? Great PR move. Pretzels are OK, but pale in comparison to the churro. It make going to costco even more of a pleasure. But a bottomless bowl of hot churros with optional vanilla sauce was almost more than I could handle. Pure Joy.
Another exciting thing happened on the cruise that merits mention. We saw a performance by the WORST, most awesome boy band to ever come out of Branson, Missouri: The Haygoods. Check them out for yourself at www.thehaygoods.com. They were a joy. They sang lots of cheesy songs, like "Celebration" and "Under the Boardwalk," did some awesome power clogging and talked A LOT about how hot they were and how awesome. It was priceless. On their website you will see them holding violins, as though they do some fiddlin. We saw a lot more clapping about the head than fiddlin'. And the two little kid Haygoods were not there. Just the 4 "HOT" (their word, not mine) brother, and the one dumpy, fat brother Matthew who stood in the back corner of the stage the whole show with the lights on him slightly dimmed. HE is SO cramping their style! If anyone is looking for a birthday gift for me (June 17th,) please check out the "merchandise" section of the Haygoods website. I would love either the signed 8x10s for $15, or the "I Heart the Haygoods" Teddy Bear for an undisclosed amount of money. They'll even sign it!
Anywho. The babies cute, the new house in great, the flood damage is repaired, and I hope I am back to the world of blogging.
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