As I have previously mentioned, I am now working for a lovely little retail store that will remain unmentioned, but we will call Dan Taylor. And said job finds itself in a lovely little community called Park City, high up in the mountains. Park City is home to the 2002 Winter Olympics, and a bunch of overly-wealthy hippie type people who LOVE to shop at Wild Oats and have a lot of plastic surgery. To be fair, a lot of my employees are Park Citians, and they seem like nice enough people. They just have more money in the "New Jazz CD" part of their budget than I make in a year, but whatever. Working up there has brought me to some interesting conclusions about the denizens of this mountain hamlet.
1. They can't drive. Maybe they are dizzy from all that driving on canyon roads. Maybe they are giddy about the new flavor of Tofu at Wild Oats. Maybe they are pissed because everything there is so expensive. But regardless, they swerve and stop in weird places and back up inappropriately and try to make their Subaru's hit my Subaru. (Oh, and everyone there drives a Subaru. EVERYONE! It's pathetic!) (Oh, I also drive a Subaru. It is silver and named Suki after the lovable best friend on the Gilmore Girls. I love Suki. The character and the car.)
2. They don't wear shoes. Now don't get me wrong. I hate wearing shoes as much as the next guy. But here are two of the places I have seen people not wearing shoes: The Chevron and Wendy's. It makes my feet itch just to think about it. CHEVRON AND WENDY'S!! Except for a toxic waste dump, and a field of poo, I can't think of anywhere where I would rather be shoeless. Can you imagine the germy bits of frosty and mealy tomatoes that are on the floor of the Park City Wendy's? Gee-Roce!!
3. Um, I forgot what the third thing about Park City was.
5. There is a whole lot of that "Grumpy Old Man Married to Much Younger Woman With Boobs That He Paid For" situation going on. Today, one of those couples was in my store. We sell some lovely skirts that come with a ribbon belt that the plastic surgeryized woman was trying on. The man stopped me and said. "Clearly, you are not meant to wear this ribbon with this skirt. Clearly, it is only decoration."
"What do you mean?" I said.
"Well, this ribbon is only meant as decoration. When you wear the skirt, you aren't supposed to wear the ribbon." (Notice how he isn't asking me any of this. He is telling me. And notice how he really thinks we just tied some ribbons around some skirts to make them more attractive to purchase, like they were a gift from your friend Ann.)
"Actually, the ribbon is meant to be worn with the skirt. Ribbon embellishments are a big trend right now in women's fashion."
"Well, I see that the skirt has belt loops. You are really supposed to wear a belt with it. It is absurd to me that anyone would wear a ribbon around their waist."
"Well, when you take the skirt home, it is your perogative to wear it with or without the ribbon, or with a belt, or with a fiery serpent tied around your waist. And seriously, what woman to you know who wears a skirt with a belt?"
So maybe the last thing I said didn't really come out that way. But hey, leave the fashion to me. You take care of paying for the botox and being grumpy.
All in all though, it is a delightful place to work. It isn't as hot there, the air is nice and clear, it's quite beautiful and Suki the Subaru fits in nicely.
4 comments:
Keep it up Josh and I'll be sure to have your blog bookmarked for my daily laugh. As for this section about PCity, I didn't actually laugh out loud until I read "field of poo", and then again at the "firey serpent". Oh boy!, that one gave me the rolling chuckle, not too loud, but the one where my eyes squint shut and start to water a little uncontrollably and that lasted for about 52 seconds. Around the 23 second, I ask myself, "Why am I still laughing at that, it's just a 'firey serpent'?" And that alone rekindled the chuckle's intensity causing it to go on for the next 29 seconds.
Hey, this is your big brother.
Enjoyed reading your funny stuff. I would just like to point out, for those who may not be aware, that links on your blog can be pretty dangerous. In particular, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you click on the "Lord of the Rings" link to see what other bloggers have it listed as a favorite. I'm trying to repress the memory, but it involved "Ugly Naked Bondage Lady" and YES, there was a picture and YES, there it was right in my face after clicking on "Lord of the Rings" without clicking on any other links. Let's just say we'll keep the little nieces and nephews off the Josh blog for now.
The phrase "Field of poo" sparked some kind of deja vu feeling....I think there may have been something that happened in my past involving a field of poo. Beyond that, I can't say. Probably another repressed memory.
Here's an article about blogs written by a very unhappy person.
Britney Spears doesn't wear shoes in gas stations and Wendy's. I seen it in US Weekly.
Thanks for setting me up at the new store. It is great--well kept and beautifully managed. Even my sister, Tina, was impressed. My mom commented several times about checking her wardrobe and returning for a twin set or two. Bread 'n butter, bread 'n butter (did you see Tina salivating all over the twin sets? Just wait until October. . . )
I can testify that the ribbon around skirt pairing is delightful, although I like to wear it on the side. People are dumb. Just ask Pandy:(PuhPuhPuhPandy.blogspot.com)
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