It turns out I am a bit of a liar. Not a big one. I don't cheat on my taxes or tell people that I am 5'3". But there are a few things that I feel like I should come clean about.
It all started when I was at work the other day. I have an enormously powerful sweet tooth, so when I packed my lunch I had filled a little Tupperware with fresh berries and Cool Whip. (I'm all for actual whipped cream, but there is something delightful about that sweet, room-temperature, stable, vegetable-oil foam.) Berries and Cool Whip is not actually all that bad for you (if you are just looking at calories) so some berries mixed with the Whip isn't too unhealthy of a snack. But when one of my other manager walked into the break room and asked what I was eating I instinctively said "Yogurt and raspberries." Because suddenly I felt sheepish about eating a big bowl of cool whip. I don't know why - it just came out without thought. IT made me think about what other little lies I told for the sake of making myself seem more cool or worldly. So in the spirit of disclosure, here they are:
1. When people ask what I studied in college I say "English, with a creative writing emphasis." I guess it sounds more bourgeois and interesting than just English. Well, I had no creative writing emphasis. I just was a straight up English major. I did take some creative writing classes. Most of the time I didn't even do anything creative. I just turned in stuff I had written for other creative writing classes. That was sort of my MO in college. So, no, I didn't sit in hip cafes and write amazing poems and compelling short stories. I just read (or pretended to read) lots of books.
2. I read a lot of Young Adult novels. I do it because I love young adult novels. I think they are clever and well written and have great stories and characters. And if you are an adult male reading Harry Potter you are good. But if you are a 30 year old and you are reading The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making, then it seems a little weird. (Great book, BTW. My review here.) So when people ask what kind of books I like reading and I say Young Adult, I usually follow it up with "I am writing a Young Adult novel, so I like to see what is going on in the genre." That is kind of true. I am "writing" a young adult novel (I have about 4 pages so far.) But that isn't why I read young adult novels. I don't get myself - I am not at all ashamed to admit that I watch America's Next Top Model but I get embarrassed when I tell people I am reading Delirium (also a great read.) So there you have it. I am a YA reader.
3. I didn't like Battlestar Gallactaca. There I said it. Sci-Fi. Critically acclaimed. Cult following. It seems tailor maid for me. But I couldn't get into it. I'm sorry!
4. I really do LOVE dogs.
Just kidding. I really do totally hate them.
5. I'm really 5'3. I wear really tall shoes.
There. I feel better.
7 comments:
I'm reading The Westing Game. My sister is also a fan of YA novels, she's teaching me the ways of the force.
My most repeat offending lie is when I say "I'm working that day" to avoid things I hate. And yes, I will be working that day, but my schedule is really flexible and I'm not there long, I'm just a jerk. And kind of a liar.
Wait, you weren't a theater major?? Menaichal laugh....
You's funny. 4 pages - Ha.
Young adult novels. Holla. (Can't WAIT to read yours! Get going, boeeey!)
Imma turn this into a forum where we can all come clean... Ryan Gosling is a total fox and I have inappropriate feelings for him. I eat Nutella by myself with a spoon late at night in the dark. I play angry birds during sacrament meeting. I listen to "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus on blast while I do the dishes. There is dancing involved.
It's all out there now. Whatcha gon do.
Beej - I LOVE the Westing Game. Its a classic.
Lils - I didn't even think of confessing music lies. There not so much lies (since I don't really talk about them) as they are secret shames. Most of my workout mix is music from Glee. I love me some Warblers!
I am a dog hater, and that post about hating dogs is perfection.
I've lied to the kids by telling them that Dr. Pepper is Mommy's Special Medicine, which is what they call it until they're about 7 and figure it out. But really, I have to lie to them about it: what other choice do I have?
Christian and I have been talking about how hilar this is and that's the truth.
I want to know how your coworker believed that Cool Whip was yogurt. I would believe you were 5'3" before I fell for that one.
You need to apologize one more time for not liking Battlestar Galactica.
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