Runaway

I realize that by the time I post this, the Project Runway finale will have already aired. But I have not watched it. I am waiting for my wife to come home from Wal-Mart with the supplies for Noely birthday cake tomorrow. And as there is nothing to watch on the Tivo (except friday's Passions) I just want to go on the record with my predictions.

And the winner is....Jeff. The judges are always looking for someone who can be innovative and unique. I think Jeffrey has the best chance of that, barring him being kicked out due to him hiring Laotian children to construct his garments, which I just don't buy. That tattoo on his neck gives me the heebies, but I think he is one of the most talented designer on the show.

Michael could be the dark horse, and not just because he is black. Was that a racist joke? Sorry. I LOVE Michael, but I think that in some sort of effort to seem masculine he is obsessed with everything being sexy. And from what we have seen so far, his sexy really seemed a little trashy. And glittery pockets on a white shirt? That seems a little Talbot'sy.

Uli. Your a delight, but I think your collection will be boring. She'll be the Daniel Vosovic of this season. Great collection, probably really commercial, but boring. Just a bunch of printed Sun-Dresses.

And Laura. Anyone that can raise six kids, live in fabulous loft in NYC and design sleek clothing gets my kudos, but again, I think she will be too safe.

So Jeff it is. How 'bout if I am right, everyone sends me a dollar?

Relevant?

I just finished watching the season premier of Saturday Night Live, and I have to say, I didn't laugh one time. What's happened to this show? I haven't been the biggest fan, but with the Tivo it's been worth watching to skip the boring sketches (anything about Bush) and get to the funny ones. But tonight was dismal. Sadly, it was the season premier, too. You would think that they would have had the whole summer to come up with some really funny stuff...but you would be wrong. There was a sketch with Farah Fawcett chasing her boob, and one about guys drinking a lot of water and another one where people TSA agents thought a turkey sandwich was a gel. Seriously? That was the big joke? Sad.

The sad thing is that I really would rather be watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. No, not the NBC show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, but the NBS show within a show. It seems much funnier.

And no more Rachel Dratch means no more Debbie downer.

Tina, I hope you took the funny with you.

Models and Mongols

Are you watching The Amazing Race? Because you definitely should be. As reality TV goes, it is one of the best. It always has the most interesting characters on reality TV, and lovely little life metaphors besides. Like a few seasons ago when Charla, the midget, had to carry a 50 lb. slab of beef 3 miles while her useless cousin, Mjarla, whined and complained. This season isn't any less delightful. There is the one legged girl and her boyfriend who makes prosthetics for a living and treats her like his toy robot when she is clearly over the moon about him. And there is the requisite couple who isn't sure if they should get married or break up so they decide that they would find out by traveling competitively and have the whole thing filmed with $1 million on the line. As soon as they introduced them in the first episode Amy and I knew they would be saying degrading things to each other by the 15-minute mark.

But our favorite team is the recovering addicts who got off drugs and became male models. They have suffered through so much, you guys, and now they just want to experience the world and be hot while doing it. Not that I would ever make fun of someone's addiction or the incredible journey it would be to recover, but come on. To be formerly drug addicted models? Its so cliché. It's like being a parody of yourself.

My friends and I have come up with a term for that kind of behavior. When someone does something that is so predictably "them," we say it is "so Raven." The term came from a TV show starring Raven Simone (she used to be the little cute one on the later years of The Cosby Show) on the Disney channel called That's So Raven. If you ever want to see a study in the finer subtleties of acting, by the way, check this gem out. Never will you see more double takes, spit takes, zany faces and prat falls in 30 minutes than on this show.

I don’t know why we decided to use that term to describe someone who was a caricature of themselves, but we did, and it stuck. Which is why my picture on profile is of none other than Raven Simone. Because if anyone is so Raven, it's me. Every time I get my first diet coke at 8am, eat my third dessert of the evening after my second dinner and a bowl of cereal, every time I get giddily excited about a new TV show, it's just so Raven. So maybe I shouldn't judge the addicts turned models for being parodies of themselves when clearly I am one as well. (A parody. Not a model…or an addict….unless caffeine counts.) But if we can't stand in judgment over reality TV contestants, then what is society coming to?

And as I side note, for those of you who want to keep up to date on your homework here are some shows I am sure to mention in future blogs because I just can't get enough of them:
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - smart and dark and engaging and brilliant. I can see it becoming a favorite
Heroes - hold me. This show fills the nerdy Buffy shaped hole in my soul. A TV show about superheroes? HOORAY! But how Greg Grundberg got a job on a non-JJ produced show we will never know
Gilmore Girls - debuted tonight and I have to say…so far we do not feel the loss of Amy Sherman-Palladino. As witty and lovely as ever. I loved when they tried to talk smack about racquetball. So classic.

A Whiter Shade of Pale

My blog has been a bit of a mess lately and I know it. I know that none of you, fair readers, care one lick about the Satellite Sisters, but you should, but I digress. You may have noticed a new look to my blog, as well, and at last, a new posting.

The change was inspired by Design Mom, a fantastic blog about the world of motherhood and the world of design and how they intersect. It is written by Gabby Blair, a designer and mother in NYC. I found the whole thing so clever and so inspiring. And the reason was that it had such a clear point of view. So I decided that is what my blog needed. A clearer point of view.

If there is one person I know who is always talking about a clear point of view, it is Tim Gunn on Project Runway. He is always telling the designers that they need a point of view. Sure Vincent can make a black vee-neck sweater and a pair of wool pants and talk for hours about how it "gets him off" and "turns him on" (which, consequently causes me to throw up.) but is it fashion? Not really. It's clothing. But there is no point of view. What is he saying? Well, nothing, except a whole bunch more vulgar nonsense.

So what's my point of view? What do I know and love and understand more than anything that colors my interactions with the world like design colors Gabby's? To anyone who has known me more than three days the answer is pretty obvious. I love TV. My favorite day of the year is when the Entertainment Weekly Fall TV preview issue arrives and I can sit down with a highlighter and map out my schedule. This year I used a blue highlighter for upstairs and a green one for down. I firmly believe that TV is home to some of the smartest and best writing happening in the world right now. I used to love going to the movies, and I still do, but I'd rather have some great TV to watch.

This weeks TV lessons were taught to us by a chubby Latino, a bunch of anorexics, and the woman who loves herself more than any other. And the lesson was this: quit taking yourself so seriously. The chubby Latino was Billy, the most recently ousted member of Survivor: Cook Islands. Billy told Jeff that he didn't care that he had been voted out because he had already won because he had found True Love…with Candace, a member of another tribe. He told the gob smacked Jeff that they had found love at first sight and each mouthed "I love you" to each other during the challenge. Mi scusi? We had to rewind to see said exchange and this is how it went:
Candice: Sorry you guys lost the challenge.
Billy: I know. I'm the next to go.
Candice: Well, we love you.
Billy: I love you, too.
*sigh* Sad, Billy,. Sad.

The anorexics were the gals for Cycle 7 of America's Next Top Model, which takes itself so seriously that it has cycles and not seasons. There were more tears shed in that episode than there are at my Mom's house during and episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Boo hoo! I'm from the ghetto and everyone's always told me I was ugly and I'm going to prove that I am beautiful! Poor me! My sisters were always the pretty ones! I'll show them! Waa - Waa! I was in a plane crash when I was nine and my mother laid her dying body across mine to save me from hypothermia! Boo…Ok, so that last one merit's a little crying.

Y'all're models! You get your picture taken because you are pretty. You aren't surgeons, or firemen or Diet Coke factory workers. You don't contribute to the good of humanity. So stop crying. But we know when you learned that immense self-serious-taking from. From the queen of them all, Ms. Tyra Banks. Has anyone in humanity ever loved herself more than Tyra? Can she ever walk just walk into a room. This week, her grand entrance was preceded by two fat spinning gay twins. I'm not kidding. Maybe I would love my self more if every time I was going to enter a room two guys in long robes went spinning in first yelling "a-swirl!" I'm gonna give it a try.

This week the models did "The Most Controversial Shoot Ever!" No, not the nude one at the beginning of the show. That’s old hat. The one where they posed acting out model stereotypes. Like bulimia, and the casting couch, and the dumb blonde, and the diva. But they were just stereotypes. Models are really just home girls like Tyra….Um, Pot. This is the Kettle. BLACK!

Anyway, I'll be back next week with a big bowl of Murddle Mountain Ice Cream to watch and revel. I mock TV. But I mock because I love.