A Fair Trade

Amy and the kids on her birthday

I am not good about talking about my spirituality, let alone BLOGGING about it. In some ways a blog seems like the worst possible place to discuss matters of the spirit. But I also think of this blog as some sort of a public journal, and if this were a real journal, I would write about the gospel and my testimony and all that. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the post that Amy wrote about Noel's asperger's. Everyone around us has been wonderful and has been asking how we are and how Noel is and how we are coping. And truthfully, we are good. Noel is amazing and funny and lovely and charming. And he can be really challenging and exhausting and tricky. I know Noel will read this some day, and I know that my other kids will read it too, and I want to make sure that I am really clear that Noel is a gift and I would never want him to be anyone other than who he is. We are plugging along day by day. Some days are obviously better than others, but every day we figure out a little bit more of how to help Noel exist in his world. Social Stories and schedules and tag-team parenting are parts of our every day lives.

The thing about parenting a kid with special needs is that your need for patience is greatly elevated. And as a parent I have about as much patience as a.....person with very little patience (I envisioned a really funny "person without patience metaphor" here but I'm drawing a blank.) I have a pretty short fuse when it comes with the kids. But when your son has asperger's, you have to change the way that you react to meltdowns. First of all, there is no teaching or reasoning during a meltdown. There is no point in saying "You lost that toy because you hit your brother." Or, "If you don't calm down we don't get to go to the park." If you say that to your son with asperger's, he doesn't hear any of that. He doesn't see the cause and effect. All that he hears is "You don't get to go to the park." And then the meltdown escalates. All you can do is be patient, and speak calmly and redirect and try to bring him back...then start to reason.

And that is not easy for me to do. I  can be a bit stubborn and prideful. And what this whole experience with asperger's is teaching me is that I can't do it alone. Amy and I talk a lot more than we ever have. We've always communicated well, but now I think it is more in depth. We have to talk strategy and what works and what to try next time. She's amazing, as you know, and I could never get through this without her.

And I have learned that I can't do this without God. See, I don't think I am a bad person. I rarely murder anymore, and my drinking and carousing days are long behind me. But I can be pretty lazy about the gospel. It is far too easy for me to be too tired to pray one night. Or talk myself into skipping scripture study because I left my scriptures downstairs. But what I am learning is that I need every power on earth and Heaven to know how to be a good and patient dad. And sure enough on the days that I am lazy, and lose the focus on the spirit a bit, those are the days that I am short-fused and yell when I shouldn't.

Remember how God puts things in our lives to smooth out the rough parts of our souls? I have definitely had some rough patches smoothed lately. I am not arrogant enough to think that the reason that Noel has asperger's is to make me a better person. That would be ridiculous, and insulting to the amazing and funny and lovely and smart boy that Noel is. But I think that God knew that we would be a good match for each other. He would teach me things about myself and make me a better person, and I would let him play my iPad. We compliment each other that way.

Goodbye, old girl

Are you sitting down? You should be...Well, actually, in what situation would you be standing up and reading a blog? OK - if you are reading this on your iPhone and walking (or driving?!!) then stop and sit down. (Unless you're driving - then you are already sitting. But DON'T READ BLOGS while driving! What would Oprah say?) OK, so we have established that in no situation are your walking or standing or driving and you are totally sitting.
Have I oversold this?

Wait for it...


I am giving up Diet Coke.


OK. Not giving up entirely. I am cutting back to one a day.


OK. Sometimes two a day, but never more than that.


OK. There has been one day where I had three, but that was it.


So I guess what I am really saying is that I am drastically reducing the number of Diet Cokes I drink in a day. Is this even blog worthy? Maybe not...But I owe you all 5 more of these in the next 6 days, so I am getting desperate.

You see, I drink a lot of Diet Coke. A LOT. I don't want to get TOO specific on how much, because my Mom reads this blog, and she's already had to beat cancer. She doesn't need to hear the truth of my Diet Coke consumption, but it was a lot.

For our anniversary Amy and I went and spent the weekend in Portland. We were planning on going to the temple (we didn't go - it was closed. But PLANNING to go earns you the same blessings!) and we went to Claim Jumper for dinner before. I realized that I shouldn't have my usual 37 Diet Cokes with dinner because then I would be that guy who brings the temple ceremony to a screeching halt so I could go to the bathroom. Multiple times. And that just seemed so annoying.

Then I started thinking about how I have to go to the bathroom 1 million times a day and it is annoying. And then I thought about how in the last 10 years I have spent approximately $1.7 million at various 7-11s around the country. So I decided to quit. (read: cut back.)

I know I should be quitting (cutting back) for health or the Word of Wisdom or something. But it really is about the annoyance of going to the bathrooms and the money I spend. Now I am sure that there will be some added health benefits of not drinking so much caffeine. And I am sure that being addicted to Diet Coke is not in line with the commandments, if you want to get really technical.

So I have been off the stuff (read: drinking 1-3 a day) for about 10 days. And I gotta say...I feel exactly the same as I did 10 days ago. Perhaps if I went cold turkey, I would find untapped fountains of vim and vigor and my vision would clear and my hair would grow back and my skin would turn a lovely shade of gold. But so far none of that has happened. And that is OK. I do go to the bathroom a lot less. And I think I have saved about $864 this week.

So there you have it. My old friend, Diet Coke, gone. Sort of. 1- 3 times a day.

Happy Day

I promise that this blog isn't going to become a place where Amy and I just blog about how awesome we think each other is. But this week may be the one exception. You see, Amy's birthday is on Feb 12th, our anniversary is on Feb 8th and as you may have heard Feb 14th is Valentine's day. That means that this is sort of a big week for me. If I can hit all my marks, I am golden. But if I drop the ball, there is no redo later in the year. It also means that if I ever want to send flowers for our anniversary, they can't be roses because  their price triples in early February. And it also means that when we try to go to a movie for our anniversary, we are stuck choosing between Just Go With It or Gnomeo and Juliet. If you are unmarried and reading this blog, plan your wedding during the fall movie season! Your future anniversaries will thank you!

Amy has already told the story here of how we met and fell in love, albeit with me being a bit of a tool through the whole process. So I am not here to rehash that tale, or tell my side. My side is pretty much as it seems - I was indeed kind of a tool. I'm here to talk about what an amazing person Amy is. I don't think I am telling any of you readers anything that you don't already know. You can tell from Amy's thoughtful, brilliant and hilarious blog posts that she is, indeed, thoughtful, brilliant and hilarious. And she is an amazing writer. A fact that I am pretty jealous of. And, as you have witnessed, she is an amazing mother. Sensitive, loving and powerful. Our kids worship her. She is singlehandedly navigating the world of raising a kid with special needs and two other kids who can be needy in their own ways.

What has been amazing to me as I approach the young side of middle age with someone (that was my coy way of saying "grow old with someone") is her constant effort to better herself. And in doing so, she forces me to get better, just to keep the gap small. She is always challenging herself physically, spiritually, intellectually and musically (this year: learning the guitar. And the violin. Because why not?) Just for the sake of being a better person. My natural inclination is to skate by at everything I do so that I can spend more time on Facebook and Digg. And hers is to find things that make her life mean more. How could you not love that woman?

I better wrap this up. I have to write my Valentine's card still, and I don't want to use up all of my good material. Amy - you amaze me every day and I love you. Happy Birthday!! Thanks for being my best friend.

From a Distance

Today is February 8, 2011.  Eight years ago, I married the best man that I know.  Tonight, to celebrate, I took out the garbage and cleaned vomit off my son's comforter (but don't worry, Jonah announced that it was only "half throw-up").  Josh is celebrating by sitting at a bar in Las Vegas, watching his co-workers get tipsy.  So, since I might not speak to him tonight, I thought I'd do what we do these days, in the era of the Facebooks and the Twitters and all that.

Happy Anniversary to the best partner and best friend that a girl could ask for.  In a year that has mostly sucked out our souls, thrown them on the ground, and stomped on them, I'm so glad that I have you by my side.  I literally thank God every day that you decided to agree to date me those many years ago.  I look forward to watching our children grow, watching them start to hate and resent us, then decide that maybe we aren't so bad after all, and especially watching them finally leave the house so that the real fun can begin.

I love you!