Yes, I know! I know I haven't written a blog since September and I am sorry. I have heard about it from many of you and I apologize. My goal for Ought-Six is one blog a month, so I thought I better get on the stick before February rolled around.
Here are the events that occurred in my life since my last blog that have prevented me from writing a new one:
1. We moved into a new home.
2. We had a baby (Noel) 4 days later. (And PS, it isn't pronounced like Christmas, it is pronounced like the boys' name Joel. And yes we named him after Noel on Felicity.)
3. We didn't sleep for a month.
4. Thanksgiving
5. Our new home flooded
6. Christmas
7. The subsequent repairs to our new home.
8. We went on a cruise.
Guess which one of these I am here to report on today? Yes, that's right, the cruise.
Is there any vacation grander than the cruise? All I really did for six whole days was sit around a lot, eat food every 45 seconds, and have my waitress Oslam bring me another Diet Coke every 4 minutes. PARADISE! We didn't ever really love the Ports-o'-Call. They were fine and stuff. We just loved the boat. In the ports, people wanted money for food and the Diet Coke was not free. Put me back on my Rhapsody of the Sea where I can add a lime to that DC, or a shot of grenadine. Mmmmm...
One event of note, however, merits special attention. On our cruise, there was a lovely buffet, open mostly all day, where you could get a wide variety of foods for free. There was a cold desert bar (With Cheesecake, creme brulee', Key Lime Pie, whatever,) and on most days, a hot desert option. One day the hot desert option was labeled Churroz Pudding. "Hmmm. What is that?" I thought. There was a side of vanilla sauce to go with it as well. I was intrigued. So I flipped open the chaffing dish and what did I behold? A big tray of churros. Now why they were spelled Churroz, is beyond me. Perhaps to give them more street cred? But it was a big beautiful tray of hot curros for me to partake of, for free, and in unlimited quantities. That, right there, was worth the cost of the cruise.
Now as deserts go in my book, #1 is the lovely Pie. I could eat Pie morning, noon and night every day of the week and never tire of it. Second place is reserved for the Cookie. Any variety, really, except those weird ones my Grandma makes filled with pureed raisins. I'd eat cookies and milk every night before bed if cookies made me skinnier instead of fatter. (And I actually did do this on my cruise. Cookies and milk from room service every night.) But third place is held for the lovely Mexican confection, the churro. The people of Mexico have contributed some wonderful things to the gastronomic world, but few equal the churro. So crisp and delicious on the outside, so warm and gooey on the inside. And then with that sweet taste of cinnamon and sugar...a tear comes to my eye.
When I am at an amusement park, as those who have traveled with me can attest, I have to stop at a churro stand nearly every time I see one. And do you know that Costco has started selling churros now in their little cafe, instead of pretzels? Great PR move. Pretzels are OK, but pale in comparison to the churro. It make going to costco even more of a pleasure. But a bottomless bowl of hot churros with optional vanilla sauce was almost more than I could handle. Pure Joy.
Another exciting thing happened on the cruise that merits mention. We saw a performance by the WORST, most awesome boy band to ever come out of Branson, Missouri: The Haygoods. Check them out for yourself at www.thehaygoods.com. They were a joy. They sang lots of cheesy songs, like "Celebration" and "Under the Boardwalk," did some awesome power clogging and talked A LOT about how hot they were and how awesome. It was priceless. On their website you will see them holding violins, as though they do some fiddlin. We saw a lot more clapping about the head than fiddlin'. And the two little kid Haygoods were not there. Just the 4 "HOT" (their word, not mine) brother, and the one dumpy, fat brother Matthew who stood in the back corner of the stage the whole show with the lights on him slightly dimmed. HE is SO cramping their style! If anyone is looking for a birthday gift for me (June 17th,) please check out the "merchandise" section of the Haygoods website. I would love either the signed 8x10s for $15, or the "I Heart the Haygoods" Teddy Bear for an undisclosed amount of money. They'll even sign it!
Anywho. The babies cute, the new house in great, the flood damage is repaired, and I hope I am back to the world of blogging.
1.30.2006
9.30.2005
Shaking my Cob
So I am a salesman by trade, and I have noticed something that really annoys me lately. (Dear Breakfast B., You can use a blog to just vent about what annoys you in the world!) As I am driving home from work every day, I pass about 4 of those stands that sell corn in the parking lots of Mexican restaurants and gas stations this time of year. And lately, it seems, there is some annoying 15 year old boy with a corn cob in each had, shaking them about, as if to entice me over to the corn stand. Now, I love to spend money. But I don't really see corn as an impulse buy. I've never once been driving along, thinking about how much I love Wynonna Judd's latest CD and the thought "CORN!" And why the shaking? Is the corn more appealing in motion? Is it to make me think of corn in its wild, free state where it roams the plains in great herds, killing lesser vegetables?
And it isn't just the corn people. Little Caesar's always has some idiot out on the street corner waving around that $5 pizza sign (seriously though, was that Hot n' Ready idea the greatest idea ever or what?) And you can't help every day but drive by a furniture store that is going out of business (why is that?) and they have paid some homeless man to hold a sign advertising their incredibly low prices. And wait...he's SHAKING the sign to reel those of us in who could resist his obvious charms. "Look honey, that transient is waving a purple sign around. Let's go buy a new settee'!"
And every time I go to the mall, I am accosted by 21 year old return missionaries in too much cologne trying to sell me a cell phone. "Excuse me, sir? Do you have a cell phone?" Does anyone NOT have a cell phone? (Chris and Lisa Clark notwithstanding.) And if you didn't have one, would the guy at the mall actually convince you to get one by yelling across the hall at you? Don't you think if I don't have a cell phone, there is a reason? It isn't because I haven't yet heard of them and I am hoping that someone will enlighten me and sell me one. And then there are the booths that sell stupid lotion or Proactiv or whatever that only employ Ukrainian girls who can't speak a lick of English except to try and sell me hand cream. And why do they teach them to start out with: "Can I ask you a question, sir?" and then I have to be the jerk and say "No!" because I am sure the question is "Are your hands dry and chappy, pappy?" and then I am sucked into the sales pitch. I don't WANT any lotion! If I did, I would know where to find it. And now you think less of America because we are all such jerks, but really we just don't have dry hands!
I don't stand outside of my store and shake a twinset around. Or approach passers-by and say "Hey do you guys own pants?" I just wait for customers to come in ask where the twinsets are. Is that so wrong? Does that make me an unsuccessful salesman? I don't believe it does. I believe it means....CORN! Excuse me.
And it isn't just the corn people. Little Caesar's always has some idiot out on the street corner waving around that $5 pizza sign (seriously though, was that Hot n' Ready idea the greatest idea ever or what?) And you can't help every day but drive by a furniture store that is going out of business (why is that?) and they have paid some homeless man to hold a sign advertising their incredibly low prices. And wait...he's SHAKING the sign to reel those of us in who could resist his obvious charms. "Look honey, that transient is waving a purple sign around. Let's go buy a new settee'!"
And every time I go to the mall, I am accosted by 21 year old return missionaries in too much cologne trying to sell me a cell phone. "Excuse me, sir? Do you have a cell phone?" Does anyone NOT have a cell phone? (Chris and Lisa Clark notwithstanding.) And if you didn't have one, would the guy at the mall actually convince you to get one by yelling across the hall at you? Don't you think if I don't have a cell phone, there is a reason? It isn't because I haven't yet heard of them and I am hoping that someone will enlighten me and sell me one. And then there are the booths that sell stupid lotion or Proactiv or whatever that only employ Ukrainian girls who can't speak a lick of English except to try and sell me hand cream. And why do they teach them to start out with: "Can I ask you a question, sir?" and then I have to be the jerk and say "No!" because I am sure the question is "Are your hands dry and chappy, pappy?" and then I am sucked into the sales pitch. I don't WANT any lotion! If I did, I would know where to find it. And now you think less of America because we are all such jerks, but really we just don't have dry hands!
I don't stand outside of my store and shake a twinset around. Or approach passers-by and say "Hey do you guys own pants?" I just wait for customers to come in ask where the twinsets are. Is that so wrong? Does that make me an unsuccessful salesman? I don't believe it does. I believe it means....CORN! Excuse me.
8.14.2005
Condiments
Did some of you read that title and think that this blog was about something else? Well, get your mind out of the gutter! I wouldn't write a blog about those! My mom reads this blog! Plus, I hate them.
Anyway, I LOVE condiments. If anyone has ever seen me eat, or seen me go up a pant size in the last year, you know I love food. But my love of food pales in comparison to my love of condiments. Why would I even bother eating food if there weren't things to dress it up with, slather on it or dip it in?
The reigning king of condiments in the Bingham house it Ketchup. And if you try to tell me it is spelled catsup then you are just plain dumb. You probably like Del Monte brand Catsup. That's ridiculous. At my house we but the double jumbo bottle of Heinz ketchup from Costco about once a month. It's so tart and vinegary with the perfect blend of tomato and spices. Heavenly. Why anyone would buy any other brand of ketchup is beyond me. Hunts? Give me a freaking break. Del Monte? You don't even deserve to live in this country. Western Family? Non ne parliamo. Heinz is the most sublime, delicious, beautiful condiment on earth. My wife says she really only eats french fries as a vehicle for ketchup, and I believe her. Lately, having seen his parents dip so many things into ketchup, Jonah has taken it up as well. He won't eat french fries unless he can dip them. And he does the funniest, daintiest little dips, too. (Yes we feed him french fries. And sometimes things with trans fats. So call the parenting police already.) He also dips other things in ketchup as well, like bread, those pink and white animal cookies and spoonfuls of frosty. Recently I read an article about how salsa has surpassed ketchup as the number one selling condiment in America. I cried a little that day. Don't get me wrong, I love salsa. But better than ketchup? I don't think so, Tina.
Don't get me started on the other condiments. Well, Ok do. Sour Cream: I could (and do) eat it by the spoonful. Mustard: delicious tangy boring yellow, smooth and spicy Dijon, or sickeningly sweet honey it's all good to me. Worcestershire Sauce: Does anyone know how to properly pronounce that? Wasabi: yumm (even yummier is that pickled ginger stuff that often accompanies wasabi. What's that called?) mayonnaise: the most glorious of all. What isn't better with a big spoonful of mayonnaise mixed in? Soy Sauce: nothing beats that deep, mellow, salty flavor.
In England they have the most amazing condiment called clotted cream. I don't know how describe it, except that it is like butter, except creamier, and sweeter and less buttery. I'd live in a home built of it if I could. Its amazing on a hot scone, but they also put it on ice cream. Amy and I went to visit our friends Chris and Lisa when they lived in England and I remember walking a long the beach in the rain and eating a big ice cream cone with a dollop of clotted cream on the top. Heaven help us all. The UK gets a bad wrap for having horrible food, but I disagree. Have you had a Hob Knob? Curries? Filled Baguets? Nando's Chicken Land just off Earl's Court? Mmmm...take me there.
And while it technically isn't a condiment, I have to give a shout out to my boy, the lime. If you know me, you know I love diet coke. And is there anything better than a fountain diet coke, in a Styrofoam cup, with pebbled ice and a fresh lime or two? No, there really isn't. I know because I am drinking some right now. Heaven.
I need to stop writing this blog now. I have a craving for some food from the "dipping" food group.
Anyway, I LOVE condiments. If anyone has ever seen me eat, or seen me go up a pant size in the last year, you know I love food. But my love of food pales in comparison to my love of condiments. Why would I even bother eating food if there weren't things to dress it up with, slather on it or dip it in?
The reigning king of condiments in the Bingham house it Ketchup. And if you try to tell me it is spelled catsup then you are just plain dumb. You probably like Del Monte brand Catsup. That's ridiculous. At my house we but the double jumbo bottle of Heinz ketchup from Costco about once a month. It's so tart and vinegary with the perfect blend of tomato and spices. Heavenly. Why anyone would buy any other brand of ketchup is beyond me. Hunts? Give me a freaking break. Del Monte? You don't even deserve to live in this country. Western Family? Non ne parliamo. Heinz is the most sublime, delicious, beautiful condiment on earth. My wife says she really only eats french fries as a vehicle for ketchup, and I believe her. Lately, having seen his parents dip so many things into ketchup, Jonah has taken it up as well. He won't eat french fries unless he can dip them. And he does the funniest, daintiest little dips, too. (Yes we feed him french fries. And sometimes things with trans fats. So call the parenting police already.) He also dips other things in ketchup as well, like bread, those pink and white animal cookies and spoonfuls of frosty. Recently I read an article about how salsa has surpassed ketchup as the number one selling condiment in America. I cried a little that day. Don't get me wrong, I love salsa. But better than ketchup? I don't think so, Tina.
Don't get me started on the other condiments. Well, Ok do. Sour Cream: I could (and do) eat it by the spoonful. Mustard: delicious tangy boring yellow, smooth and spicy Dijon, or sickeningly sweet honey it's all good to me. Worcestershire Sauce: Does anyone know how to properly pronounce that? Wasabi: yumm (even yummier is that pickled ginger stuff that often accompanies wasabi. What's that called?) mayonnaise: the most glorious of all. What isn't better with a big spoonful of mayonnaise mixed in? Soy Sauce: nothing beats that deep, mellow, salty flavor.
In England they have the most amazing condiment called clotted cream. I don't know how describe it, except that it is like butter, except creamier, and sweeter and less buttery. I'd live in a home built of it if I could. Its amazing on a hot scone, but they also put it on ice cream. Amy and I went to visit our friends Chris and Lisa when they lived in England and I remember walking a long the beach in the rain and eating a big ice cream cone with a dollop of clotted cream on the top. Heaven help us all. The UK gets a bad wrap for having horrible food, but I disagree. Have you had a Hob Knob? Curries? Filled Baguets? Nando's Chicken Land just off Earl's Court? Mmmm...take me there.
And while it technically isn't a condiment, I have to give a shout out to my boy, the lime. If you know me, you know I love diet coke. And is there anything better than a fountain diet coke, in a Styrofoam cup, with pebbled ice and a fresh lime or two? No, there really isn't. I know because I am drinking some right now. Heaven.
I need to stop writing this blog now. I have a craving for some food from the "dipping" food group.
7.18.2005
Funny and Safe
A while ago we bought a little plastic tool set for Jonah. It was purchased at Hammond Toys in the Cottonwood Mall. How that place stays in business I'll never know. All of their employees are 13 year old boys with early-onset acne and the inability to count change. Anyway, the tool set was about $1 and clearly made by retarded monkeys in Cambodia. Was that insensitive? Anyway, the tool set is called "Tools Set: Funny & Safe." If the fact that the toys will not only make you laugh, but keep you safe is not enough to send you to your nearest Hammond to get your own, here are some other selling points from the box: "Superior Materials" and "The Best Welcome Gifts For The Children." Where exactly have the children been that they need a welcome gift? Are we welcoming them to the world with "Tools Set: Funny and Safe?" That might be good, because no one loves safety and humor more than infants, but this Superior Materials product is for ages 3 and up.
On a completely unrelated topic, but in the same vein of "silly things that I found funny," the other day I was calling home from work. Because I work in Park City, it is necessary to dial a "1-801" before dialing my home phone number. Somehow, I accidentally dialed "1-800" instead and got this message: "Thank you for calling Peggy's Precious Heros. Please leave a message." What, praytell, are Precious Heros? My wife thought they were sandwiches. I thought they were defunct super-heros. I guess we will never know until one of my faithful blog readers calls the number, leaves a message and gets a response.
And in closing this completely random blog, here is a very special text message I received on my phone the other day:
Hey bud, Hope the east coast is treating You well. Last I saw You things were rough with You and your girl. I Hope It all worked out. Peace. d swiss.
Now I don't know who d swiss is. Nor do I know why he can't capitalize. Maybe he thinks I am deity, because of all the capitalized "You's." At least he is looking out for me and my girl. Things with us have been real funny and safe since I got back from the coast. Thanks for your concern, d swiss. Your a pal.
On a completely unrelated topic, but in the same vein of "silly things that I found funny," the other day I was calling home from work. Because I work in Park City, it is necessary to dial a "1-801" before dialing my home phone number. Somehow, I accidentally dialed "1-800" instead and got this message: "Thank you for calling Peggy's Precious Heros. Please leave a message." What, praytell, are Precious Heros? My wife thought they were sandwiches. I thought they were defunct super-heros. I guess we will never know until one of my faithful blog readers calls the number, leaves a message and gets a response.
And in closing this completely random blog, here is a very special text message I received on my phone the other day:
Hey bud, Hope the east coast is treating You well. Last I saw You things were rough with You and your girl. I Hope It all worked out. Peace. d swiss.
Now I don't know who d swiss is. Nor do I know why he can't capitalize. Maybe he thinks I am deity, because of all the capitalized "You's." At least he is looking out for me and my girl. Things with us have been real funny and safe since I got back from the coast. Thanks for your concern, d swiss. Your a pal.
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