MMM Mondays: I'm His Dad

Every Monday I am reposting blogs which originally appeared on another blog I used to write for, Modern Mormon Men. Here is a post about Noel and his Asperger's Syndrome. See the original post here.

N at Disneyland.

My son N was never an easy child. As a baby, he was fussy and didn't eat well. He slept restlessly and woke us up for years at 5 a.m. As a toddler, he seemed easily shook up. At home he did OK, but anything out of our routine was a bit of a nightmare. We have vacation home movies where it seems like he is crying in every shot. Our first born had had colic, so we just assumed that N was a tough baby too, and left it at that.

As N got older, there were elements of his behavior that felt a little different somehow. Every kid goes through phases, but these phases felt longer and more relentless. By the end of N’s first year of pre-school, we knew something was off. He was arguing with other kids, refusing to follow directions and there were a couple of times we had to come to the school and pick him up because his behavior was too much for the teacher to handle.

Late last year, with the help of a great pediatrician, a lot of prayer, and a lot of research (done by my wife who knew in her heart this wasn’t just a phase), N was eventually diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Asperger’s Syndrome is on the autism spectrum and it is typically defined as people who have difficulty communicating and socializing with others. They see the world though a literal lens and have trouble understanding nuance, flexibility and adapting. Kids with Asperger’s typically have a singular focus - something they are obsessed with that they spend all their time thinking about. While Asperger’s is more understood now than it was a generation ago, when hearing about it, people still give you a bit of a blank stare. N is not retarded (and really, can we just do away with that word all together?). He can’t count things really fast (like Rainman.) He is not stupid. His intelligence is not developmentally delayed at all.

Modern Mormon Mondays: (e)Book?

Each Monday on the blog I will post a post that originally appeared on the blog Modern Mormon Men, where I was formerly a contributor. There is nothing new. I just want these posts captured on my own blog. Read the original post and comments here. Feel free to leave new comments. I am validated by your comments. 

It's a Book by Lane Smith

It makes me happy when children's books are smart and funny. It makes me even happier when they are topical and well written. (If I have to read another one of those Hot Wheels books again when on every page the cars are on a different continent, I am going to tear my remaining hair out.) It's a Book by Lane Smith is fantastic in that regard. Gorilla (or whatever he is) is reading a book, and his friend Jackass (which is kind of a funny name to have in a children's book) can't seem to get his head around it. He keeps asking questions like "How does it scroll down? Does it need a password? Does it tweet?" to which Gorilla simply replies "No. It's a book."

I read it to the kids last night and laughed (especially when the book ended with the pithy "It's a book, Jackass.") but it made me think about the books and their place in our world.

I am a great lover of books. My wife and I were both English majors, so we own plenty of books. Just last week we were measuring the home office to see if we could fit another bookshelf in there. We have bookshelves in our living room, in the kid's bedroom, in the upstairs hallway. The china hutch in the dining room holds our collection of cookbooks and food literature. The floor next to my nightstand is stacked with an ever growing and expanding collection of books I want to read. I meticulously catalogue it all on Goodreads. Our house is overflowing with books.

But I am also a great lover of technology. I got a Kindle a couple of years ago (not this new one, mind you. I covet this new one.) and have loved it. A lot of my book-loving friends pooh-poohed it when I got it and said things like "Oh, I would never want to read a book on a screen." or "I just love new books! I love the smell and the feel and everything." Some even asked me "Are you just not going to read actual books anymore?" I do still read a lot of actual books. Last year I read about seven books on the Kindle and about 26 actual paper books.

Right now, I can't see myself ever giving up paper books. But there are some things that I love about reading books on the Kindle. In fact, I prefer to read certain books on it. The first book I bought on my Kindle was Drood by Dan Simmons. It's a fantastic book but it is also about 975 pages long. I got it first from the library and it weighed about 14 lbs. I couldn't imagine carrying it around on business trips. It would need its own ticket. I also love the convenience of a Kindle book. Because I have a free Kindle app on my smart phone, I have a book with me wherever I go. If I am on a lunch break at work, or waiting for an appointment, I can pick up in my current novel of choice and read a few pages. When I get back home, my Kindle is already synced to the same page. It's magic.

So will books ever go away? Slate's Julia Turner posed this question in the great Culture Gabfest. Paraphrasing her, she pondered whether the day would come where all physical representations of cultural media would go away. Think about it - when is the last time you bought a DVD instead of getting it from Netflix or downloading it from iTunes? Or when was the last time you bought a CD? Do they still even sell CDs in stores? Are books the next icon to fall?

I can hear your arguments now. And I agree with you. Remember, I love books! But remember when mp3 players first started hitting the scene and audiophiles complained that the sound quality was poor and that a digital copy of a song could never have the same depth and soul as an actual recording? I am no audiophile, so I can't argue with that point. But I do think that the convenience and ease of carrying 1 million songs in my pocket outweighs any loss I might have in sound quality. So will the ability to carry every book I've ever read and ever want to read in my pocket at all times outweigh the need for that great smell or great feel of a new book? I'm not convinced yet. But I can feel the tide shifting.

Author's Note: Even though it sounds like it was, this post was in no way sponsored by the Kindle or by Amazon. However, if Amazon feels so inclined to send me a free new Kindle, I would gladly take it. I am a blogger, so I have no journalistic integrity and love handouts.

MMM Mondays: What is my Modern Mormon Manhood, Anyway?

Eariler this year I stated writing for a new website called Modern Mormon Men. I have since decided to no longer write for them, but had a few posts over there that I was proud of and a couple that stirred up some controversy. I am going to be republishing them here, one each Monday, so that they can become part of this blog, and not get lost somewhere in the ether of space and time. This was my first post for them and it became quite scandalous. See the original post (and angry comments about how I have failed as a member of society and am a bad father!) here. If you read this the first time around, there is nothing new here, but feel free to comment anyway. I measure my self-worth by your comments. 

Me and my boys making cookies a few years ago.

My manhood and I have had always had an evolving relationship. I am not what most people think of as a typical guy. I am, generally speaking, not into "typical" guy things. I am not, nor have I ever been, an athlete. I don't watch any type of sport on TV, unless you count Top Chef. In fact, the only way I know that major sporting events are occurring is when Facebook lights up with everyone's commentary about whose team is winning or losing, or why Utah fans are better than BYU fans. Usually I am not sure what sport is even being played. I don't like camping. I prefer Nancy Drew to The Hardy Boys. I am confused by Home Depot (why do they need so many kinds of screws?) I have no idea what a jimmer is.

But I grew up in a home where manhood was more rigidly defined. I have five brothers and three sisters who are almost all athletes. When I was born, the second son, it was likely assumed that I would be an athlete too. I remember playing T-Ball when I was about six, and taking a golf clinic in my early teens. It was pretty much the end of my organized sports career. When I was a teen, my activity in the church was sometimes questioned. I went to all of my Sunday meetings, but rarely went to young men/scouts during the week. Most weeks they played basketball. Occasionally they worked on merit badges - neither one was really my scene. So no, I am not an eagle scout. (Sorry - do I get kicked off the blog now?) I remember once finding out that young men in my ward had been given the assignment to find out what I liked so they could plan activities that I would attend. I am grateful for that leader who wanted me to be involved, but also kind of chuckle that the idea of a boy who didn't want to play basketball or go camping left them so flummoxed.

In high school and college, I did theatre. I don't think my parents were expecting to have to come and sit through a lot of poorly done Shakespeare when they had a son, but they were always very supportive and never missed a performance. I am sure they sat through a lot of poorly done shows just for the 15 minutes or so that I might be on stage. But when I did Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, my senior year of high school, my dad was so proud when he watched me perform that he actually cried.